Is your spouse a Buddhist? Would you date a Buddhist only? POLL

[Ceisiwr]

In my experience, if you are a Buddhist, having a Buddhist partner will make your practice easier and fewer disputes in relation to children.
However, if you have an understanding intelligent partner, this may not be necessary.
For this, you have to test the IQ of your partner, so it is too much trouble in my opinion.
In all the cases I know, the non-Buddhist marriages end up being the Buddhist converted to another religion. (Christian or Islam)
One reason perhaps the Buddhists are less frantic about their religion.
However, I found Hindus are more open-minded because they believe in many gods. I think they believe Buddha and Jesus are reincarnations of a god.

Personally I don’t think IQ matters too much. Someone can be not that academic or bright but still be a decent person, which is what matters.

[DiamondNgXZ]

I guess it depends on where you live. Thailand would be easier than Utah, no? And it depends on your kamma. Either way, I hope you find someone suitable and live in love and happiness!

Yes indeed, it depends on the density of Buddhists encountered. I see 2 couples (who met each other and form their partnership by joining the society) from my management committee in National University of Singapore Buddhist Society got married. So Buddhist societies is one of the places for Buddhists to network and find their life partner. One of the many talks we had, had old Buddhist people talk about how to choose partner, other than the usual see personality, not wealth, status etc, one crucial issue is religion. Best is to have the same religion.

I also saw one member of the University Buddhist society dated a Christian girl and converted her to Buddhism! However, they are not active in the society, so I didn't follow up if they got married or if the conversion is lasting.

Religion is a big issue for spouse searching in Malaysia for those who are religious as:
1. Those guys married into Islam have to change their faith legally.
2. Grandparents and parents generations wishes for their kids to continue ancestor worship (compatible with Buddhism via keeping the tradition in Sigalovada sutta)
3. Christians tend to discard ancestor worship.

Perhaps finding partners could be a strong motivation for the youths here to set up their local youth Buddhist society if there's none. Who knows there's other Buddhists in that area also wishing to find a partner who can share in the practise of walking towards enlightenment?

[confusedlayman]

I think a real buddhist will avoid marriage if he understands buddhism before marriage

[DiamondNgXZ]

I think a real buddhist will avoid marriage if he understands buddhism before marriage

It's not that simple, ask around, how many Buddhists you know are monks/ nuns or intending to be one? If you're going to be celibate, might as well become a member of the Sangha. If you're going to have sex, might as well marry, that's the safest sex (from STD, unwanted pregnancy). A lot of people are just not ready for the whole thing yet, some may want to take it easy (or hard, as lay person is harder to attain), take their time. Some cannot handle the virtue part without a partner.

It's not easy to remain single even if you're intending to renounce. The biological drive is super strong.

[Ceisiwr]

I think a real buddhist will avoid marriage if he understands buddhism before marriage

It's not that simple, ask around, how many Buddhists you know are monks/ nuns or intending to be one? If you're going to be celibate, might as well become a member of the Sangha. If you're going to have sex, might as well marry, that's the safest sex (from STD, unwanted pregnancy). A lot of people are just not ready for the whole thing yet, some may want to take it easy (or hard, as lay person is harder to attain), take their time. Some cannot handle the virtue part without a partner.

It's not easy to remain single even if you're intending to renounce. The biological drive is super strong.

I don't see why someone who chooses celibacy as a layman might as well become a monk?

[DiamondNgXZ]

I think a real buddhist will avoid marriage if he understands buddhism before marriage

It's not that simple, ask around, how many Buddhists you know are monks/ nuns or intending to be one? If you're going to be celibate, might as well become a member of the Sangha. If you're going to have sex, might as well marry, that's the safest sex (from STD, unwanted pregnancy). A lot of people are just not ready for the whole thing yet, some may want to take it easy (or hard, as lay person is harder to attain), take their time. Some cannot handle the virtue part without a partner.

It's not easy to remain single even if you're intending to renounce. The biological drive is super strong.

I don't see why someone who chooses celibacy as a layman might as well become a monk?

I am assuming here that the hardest precept to observe is celibacy (including no masturbation). Sure, some may still be attached to Netflix and video games as not wanting to be a monk. However, there's plenty of advantages to be a monk if one is serious in the training. And being celibate on purpose seems like a show of dedication to the training.

1. One can live with teacher, can ask questions whenever doubt arises.

2. One is motivated to meditate and have all the free time to do so.

3. One is able to not have to work for food, and able to use the time to meditate, learn, teach etc.

4. One is able to help preserve and propagate the Dhamma as part of the Sangha.

5. One becomes an inspiration to others that it's possible to live as a monk in this day and age, especially to the locality where Buddhism is rarely seen.

6. One is surrounded by spiritual friends, and spiritual friendship is the whole of the holy life. It's much easier to practise the holy life in a community rather than being alone (in terms of surrounded by people of other faiths).

[Dhamma Chameleon]

I am assuming here that the hardest precept to observe is celibacy (including no masturbation). Sure, some may still be attached to Netflix and video games as not wanting to be a monk. However, there's plenty of advantages to be a monk if one is serious in the training. And being celibate on purpose seems like a show of dedication to the training.

I can't speak for men, but as a woman, celibacy is not the hardest precept for many of us*. And there's a huge difference between living a celibate lay life and going into homelessness. As a layperson you can be autonomous and independent, and connected to your friends, family and community. It's a form of freedom and belonging you give up by enrobing. For women even more so, because the places you can go and network of monasteries and supporters is so much smaller.

*edit: of course celibacy isn't the precept, but sexual misbehaviour. Which makes it even easier

[SarathW]

It appears that sex desire has many degrees from asexual to a rapist.
Perhaps the people who want to become monks may have a different type of dessire.

[confusedlayman]

I am assuming here that the hardest precept to observe is celibacy (including no masturbation). Sure, some may still be attached to Netflix and video games as not wanting to be a monk. However, there's plenty of advantages to be a monk if one is serious in the training. And being celibate on purpose seems like a show of dedication to the training.

I can't speak for men, but as a woman, celibacy is not the hardest precept for many of us*. And there's a huge difference between living a celibate lay life and going into homelessness. As a layperson you can be autonomous and independent, and connected to your friends, family and community. It's a form of freedom and belonging you give up by enrobing. For women even more so, because the places you can go and network of monasteries and supporters is so much smaller.

*edit: of course celibacy isn't the precept, but sexual misbehaviour. Which makes it even easier

I read somewhere that women are more lustful than man generally...

[shuka]

Also, you're assuming that Buddhists believe and practice the same thing. That's not the case, as with all other religions. Even if you find a Buddhist SO, there's always the chance that she could be from or eventually enter a different tradition or sect than you, and then practice, study, and believe in different things. Then, it wouldn't matter that she's Buddhist.

That's right!

[shuka]

My spouse agrees with many concepts of Buddhism, and likes minimalism, but I doubt she would give up sensual desires, specifically sports, willingly. Probably certain foods too.

Ok.
Thanks for replying.

[shuka]

I would not restrict myself to dating only Buddhists, but my SO must be okay with me being Buddhist and religious.

If I had a partner it would be great if they were a Buddhist but the main thing would be that they accepted me as one and were a good person.

Yes.
Thanks for replying.

[shuka]

In my experience, if you are a Buddhist, having a Buddhist partner will make your practice easier and fewer disputes in relation to children.
However, if you have an understanding intelligent partner, this may not be necessary.

Agree.

In all the cases I know, the non-Buddhist marriages end up being the Buddhist converted to another religion. (Christian or Islam)
One reason perhaps the Buddhists are less frantic about their religion.

Yes, Buddhists seem to be accommodating than others.

However, I found Hindus are more open-minded because they believe in many gods. I think they believe Buddha and Jesus are reincarnations of a god.

Maybe but some also think that God incarnated as Buddha for leading their demons astray and his teachings were taught for deluding them. That doesn't look like a positive perspective to me.

[shuka]

I guess it depends on where you live. Thailand would be easier than Utah, no? And it depends on your kamma. Either way, I hope you find someone suitable and live in love and happiness!

Yes indeed, it depends on the density of Buddhists encountered. I see 2 couples (who met each other and form their partnership by joining the society) from my management committee in National University of Singapore Buddhist Society got married. So Buddhist societies is one of the places for Buddhists to network and find their life partner. One of the many talks we had, had old Buddhist people talk about how to choose partner, other than the usual see personality, not wealth, status etc, one crucial issue is religion. Best is to have the same religion.

I also saw one member of the University Buddhist society dated a Christian girl and converted her to Buddhism! However, they are not active in the society, so I didn't follow up if they got married or if the conversion is lasting.

Religion is a big issue for spouse searching in Malaysia for those who are religious as:
1. Those guys married into Islam have to change their faith legally.
2. Grandparents and parents generations wishes for their kids to continue ancestor worship (compatible with Buddhism via keeping the tradition in Sigalovada sutta)
3. Christians tend to discard ancestor worship.

Perhaps finding partners could be a strong motivation for the youths here to set up their local youth Buddhist society if there's none. Who knows there's other Buddhists in that area also wishing to find a partner who can share in the practise of walking towards enlightenment?

Thanks for sharing your views.

[shuka]

I think a real buddhist will avoid marriage if he understands buddhism before marriage

Yeah but..I do not want to become a monk. At the moment, I don't have that level of wisdom and willpower to transcend desires completely. I want to be practice the teachings as a lay follower and that's why I initiated this discussion.

My situation right now.

I think a real buddhist will avoid marriage if he understands buddhism before marriage

It's not that simple, ask around, how many Buddhists you know are monks/ nuns or intending to be one? If you're going to be celibate, might as well become a member of the Sangha. If you're going to have sex, might as well marry, that's the safest sex (from STD, unwanted pregnancy). A lot of people are just not ready for the whole thing yet, some may want to take it easy (or hard, as lay person is harder to attain), take their time. Some cannot handle the virtue part without a partner.

It's not easy to remain single even if you're intending to renounce. The biological drive is super strong.