"Monks, these six are conditions that are conducive to amiability, that engender feelings of endearment, engender feelings of respect, leading to a sense of fellowship, a lack of disputes, harmony, & a state of unity...... ?AN6.12
reading the Saraniya Sutta translated by Thanissaro Bhikku, draws my attention to an apparent personal inability to accurately discern my feelings.
my introduction to meditation regarded focussing on bodily sensation and trying to remain equanimous.
current formal meditation is anapanasati with metta at the end. throughout the day i try to contemplate the body.
i have paid little attention to mental feelings and emotions. in fact, i refused to identify them by abusing drugs. when asked by a councellor as to what i feel at a particular moment the inclination is to usually say nuetral or equanimous but the reality is a feeling of indifference.( i have problems with councellers practice telling me to be selfish and focus on myself)
i recognise when a feeling of anger arises but im more aware of tension and unease in my arms.
i recognnise when a feeling of anxiety arises but more aware at the time of a pounding heart or uneasy stomach
apart from these i seem to be unaware of other feelings, or perhaps these should be classed as emotions?
the sensations of these emotions have a stimulating effect on me similar to a cup of coffee or drugs ive taken in the past.
is it possible i unconsciously crave the sensations that arise with these unwholesome emotions?
by trying to maintain equanimity before, i consciously reprimanded myself for feeling happy and joyful.
i hope that by practicing more metta and doing wholesome meritous deeds that i experience more pleasant feelings and recognise them when they arise.
does anybody have any advise or references which would be helpful
with thanks and gratitude