Best advises on Family life - Sutta quotes

[thang]

[Dantabhumi Sutta: MN 125 PTS: M iii 128]
Then the novice Aciravata taught dhamma to Prince Jayasena as he had heard it, as he had mastered it. When this had been said, Prince Jayasena spoke thus to the novice Aciravata:

"This is impossible, good Aggivessana, it cannot come to pass that a monk abiding diligent, ardent, self-resolute, should attain one-pointedness of mind." Then Prince Jayasena, having declared to the novice Aciravata that this was impossible and could not come to pass, rising from his seat, departed.

And soon after Prince Jayasena had departed, the novice Aciravata approached the Lord; having approached and greeted the Lord, he sat down at a respectful distance. As he was sitting down at a respectful distance, the novice Aciravata told the Lord the whole of the conversation he had with Prince Jayasena as far as it had gone. When this had been said, the Lord spoke thus to the novice Aciravata:

"What is the good of that, Aggivessana? That Prince Jayasena, living as he does in the midst of sense-pleasures, enjoying sense-pleasures, being consumed by thoughts of sense-pleasures, burning with the fever of sense-pleasures, eager in the search for sense-pleasures, should know or see or attain or realize that which can be known by renunciation, seen by renunciation, attained by renunciation, realized by renunciation — such a situation does not exist.

It is as if, Aggivessana, among elephants or horses or oxen to be tamed, two elephants, two horses or two oxen are well tamed, well trained, and two are not tamed, not trained. What do you think about this, Aggivessana? Would these two elephants or horses or oxen that were to be tamed and that were well tamed, well trained — would these on being tamed reach tamed capacity, would they, being tamed, attain a tamed stage?"

"Yes, revered sir."

"But those two elephants or horses or oxen that were to be tamed but that were neither tamed nor trained — would these, not being tamed, attain a tamed stage as do the two elephants or horses or oxen to be tamed that were well tamed, well trained?"

"No, revered sir."

"Even so, Aggivessana, that Prince Jayasena, living as he does in the midst of sense-pleasures... should know or see or attain or realize that which can be known and realized by renunciation — such a situation does not exist. It is as if, Aggivessana, there were a great mountain slope near a village or a market-town which two friends, coming hand in hand from that village or market-town might approach; having approached the mountain slope one friend might remain at the foot while the other might climb to the top. Then the friend standing at the foot of the mountain slope might speak thus to the one standing on the top: 'My dear, what do you see as you stand on the top of the mountain slope?' He might reply: 'As I stand on the top of the mountain slope I, my dear, see delightful parks, delightful woods, delightful stretches of level ground delightful ponds.' But the other might speak thus: 'This is impossible, it cannot come to pass, my dear, that, as you stand on the top of the mountain slope, you should see... delightful ponds.' Then the friend who had been standing on top of the mountain slope having come down to the foot and taken his friend by the arm, making him climb to the top of the mountain slope and giving him a moment in which to regain his breath, might speak to him thus: 'Now, my dear, what is it that you see as you stand on the top of the mountain slope?' He might speak thus: 'I, my dear, as I stand on the top of the mountain slope, see delightful parks... delightful ponds.' He might speak thus: 'Just now, my dear, we understood you to say: This is impossible, it cannot come to pass that, as you stand on the top of the mountain slope, you should see delightful... ponds. But now we understand you to say: 'I, my dear, as I stand on the top of the mountain slope, see delightful parks... delightful ponds.' He might speak thus: 'That was because I, my dear, hemmed in by this great mountain slope, could not see what was to be seen.'

[Snp. vv. 220-221]
These two ways of life are not the same:
that of a householder supporting a wife
and one without worldly attachments...

As a peacock never approaches the swiftness
of a swan, so a householder cannot imitate a
bhikkhu, a hermit meditating in the forest.

[Pabbaja Sutta: The Going Forth: Sn 3.1 PTS: Sn 405-424]
I will describe the Going Forth,
how he, the One-with-Vision, went forth,
how he reasoned and chose the Going Forth.
"Household life is crowded,
a realm of dust,
while going forth
is the open air."
Seeing this, he went forth.

Endowed with this faith that he has acquired, he reflects in this way: 'The household life is confined and dusty, going forth is in the open; it is not easy for one who lives in a house to fare the Brahma-faring wholly fulfilled, wholly pure, polished like a conch-shell. Suppose now that I, having cut off hair and beard, having put on saffron robes, should go forth from home into homelessness?'

[mrgrtt123]

That was a good compilation, it is worth reading.

[thang]

That was a good compilation, it is worth reading.

More on this regard:

In the midst of companions
— when staying at home,
when going out wandering —
you are prey to requests.
Valuing the freedom
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

There is sporting & love
in the midst of companions,
& abundant fondness for offspring.
Feeling disgust
at the prospect of parting
from those who'd be dear,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

Cutting off the householder's marks,
like a kovilara tree
that has shed its leaves,
the prudent one, cutting all household ties,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

Abandoning offspring, spouse,
father, mother,
riches, grain, relatives,
& sensual pleasures
altogether,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

"This is a bondage, a baited hook.
There's little happiness here,
next to no satisfaction,
all the more suffering & pain."
Knowing this, circumspect,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

Taking off the householder's marks,
like a coral tree
that has shed its leaves,
going forth in the ochre robe,
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

[Khaggavisana Sutta: A Rhinoceros]

[Aloka]

Valuing the freedom
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

The rhinoceros sutta is one of my favorites.






.

[Aloka]

.
As this is the Family Life and Relationships forum- and this topic is called "Best advice on Family Life - Sutta Quotes", I will post this sutta:

AN 6.16 Nakula Sutta: Nakula's Parents

Once the Blessed One was staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. At that time, Nakula's father, the householder, was diseased, in pain, severely ill. Then Nakula's mother said to him: "Don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time of death.

"Now it may be that you are thinking, 'Nakula's mother will not be able to support the children or maintain the household after I'm gone,' but you shouldn't see things in that way. I am skilled at spinning cotton, at carding matted wool. I can support the children and maintain the household after you are gone. So don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time of death.

"Now it may be that you are thinking, 'Nakula's mother will take another husband after I'm gone,' but you shouldn't see things in that way. You know as well as I how my fidelity[1] has been constant for the past sixteen years. So don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized death when one is worried.

"Now it may be that you are thinking, 'Nakula's mother will have no desire to go see the Blessed One, to go see the community of monks, after I'm gone,' but you shouldn't see things in that way. I will have an even greater desire to go see the Blessed One, to go see the community of monks, after you are gone. So don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time of death.

"Now it may be that you are thinking, 'Nakula's mother will not act fully in accordance with the precepts after I'm gone,' but you shouldn't see things in that way. To the extent that the Blessed One has white-clad householder female disciples who act fully in accordance with the precepts, I am one of them. If anyone doubts or denies this, let him go ask the Blessed One, the worthy one, the rightly self-awakened one who is staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. So don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time of death.

"Now it may be that you are thinking, 'Nakula's mother will not attain inner tranquillity of awareness after I'm gone,' but you shouldn't see things in that way. To the extent that the Blessed One has white-clad householder female disciples who attain inner tranquillity of awareness, I am one of them. If anyone doubts or denies this, let him go ask the Blessed One, the worthy one, the rightly self-awakened one who is staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. So don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time of death.

"Now it may be that you are thinking, 'Nakula's mother will not reach firm ground in this Doctrine & Discipline, will not attain a firm foothold, will not attain consolation, overcome her doubts, dispel her perplexity, reach fearlessness or gain independence from others with regard to the Teacher's message,'[2] but you shouldn't see things in that way. To the extent that the Blessed One has white-clad householder female disciples who reach firm ground in this Doctrine & Discipline, attain a firm foothold, attain consolation, overcome their doubts, dispel their perplexity, reach fearlessness, & gain independence from others with regard to the Teacher's message, I am one of them. If anyone doubts or denies this, let him go ask the Blessed One, the worthy one, the rightly self-awakened one who is staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. So don't be worried as you die, householder. Death is painful for one who is worried. The Blessed One has criticized being worried at the time of death."

While Nakula's father the householder was being exhorted by Nakula's mother with this exhortation, his disease was immediately allayed. And he recovered from his disease. That was how Nakula's father's disease was abandoned.

Then, soon after Nakula's father the householder had recovered from being sick, not long after his recovery from his illness, he went leaning on a stick to the Blessed One. On arrival, having bowed down to the Blessed One, he sat to one side. As he was sitting there, the Blessed One said to him, "It is your gain, your great gain, householder, that you have Nakula's mother — sympathetic & wishing for your welfare — as your counselor & instructor. To the extent that I have white-clad householder female disciples who act fully in accordance with the precepts, she is one of them. To the extent that I have white-clad householder female disciples who attain inner tranquillity of awareness, she is one of them. To the extent that I have white-clad householder female disciples who reach firm ground in this Doctrine & Discipline, attain a firm foothold, attain consolation, overcome their doubts, dispel their perplexity, reach fearlessness, & gain independence from others with regard to the Teacher's message, she is one of them. It is your gain, your great gain, householder, that you have Nakula's mother — sympathetic & wishing for your welfare — as your counselor & instructor."

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html

.

[thang]

Kinds of Wives - AN 7.63

“With a mind full of hate and no kindness,
lusting for others, looking down on her husband,
she longs to murder the one who paid the price for her.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a killer.

A woman’s husband earns his wealth
by applying oneself to a profession, trade, or farming.
And even if it’s only a little, she wants to take it.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a thief.

She’s an idle glutton who doesn’t want to work.
Her words are harsh, fierce, and rude.
She rules over him, though he rises early.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a lord.

She’s always caring and kind,
looking after her husband like a mother her child.
She keeps the wealth that he has earned secure.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a mother.

She respects her husband
as a younger sister respects her elder.
Conscientious, she does what her husband says.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a sister.

She’s delighted to see him,
like one reunited with a long-lost friend.
She’s well-raised, virtuous, and devoted.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a friend.

She has no anger when threatened with violence by the rod.
Without hate or anger,
she endures her husband and does what he says.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a bondservant.

The kinds of wives here called
killer, thief, and lord;
unethical, harsh, and lacking regard for others,
when their body breaks up they go to hell.

But the kinds of wives here called
mother, sister, friend, and bondservant;
steadfast in their own morality, restrained for a long time,
when their body breaks up they go to a good place.

Sujātā, these are the seven kinds of wife that a man can have.
Which one of these are you?”
“Sir, from this day forth may the Buddha remember me as a wife like a bondservant.”

[Aloka]

'
AN 4.55 Samajivina Sutta: Living in Tune

Once the Blessed One was staying among the Bhaggas in the Deer Park at Bhesakala Grove, near Crocodile Haunt. Then early in the morning the Blessed One put on his robes and, carrying his bowl and outer robe, went to the home of the householder, Nakula's father. On arrival, he sat down on a seat made ready. Then Nakula's father & Nakula's mother went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As they were sitting there, Nakula's father said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since Nakula's mother as a young girl was brought to me [to be my wife] when I was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to her even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

And Nakula's mother said to the Blessed One: "Lord, ever since I as a young girl was brought to Nakula's father [to be his wife] when he was just a young boy, I am not conscious of being unfaithful to him even in mind, much less in body. We want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

[The Blessed One said:] "If both husband & wife want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come, they should be in tune [with each other] in conviction, in tune in virtue, in tune in generosity, and in tune in discernment. Then they will see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come."

Husband & wife, both of them
having conviction,
being responsive,
being restrained,
living by the Dhamma,
addressing each other
with loving words:
they benefit in manifold ways.
To them comes bliss.
Their enemies are dejected
when both are in tune in virtue.
Having followed the Dhamma here in this world,
both in tune in precepts & practices,
they delight in the world of the devas,
enjoying the pleasures they desire.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html



.

[thang]

Sigalovada Sutta: The Discourse to Sigala - The Layperson's Code of Discipline - DN 31

"My father, Lord, while dying, said to me: The six quarters, dear son, you shall worship. And I, Lord, respecting, revering, reverencing and honoring my father's word, rise early in the morning, and leaving Rajagaha, with wet clothes and wet hair, worship with joined hands, these six quarters."

"It is not thus, young householder, the six quarters should be worshipped in the discipline of the noble."
...
"And how, young householder, does a noble disciple cover the six quarters?

"The following should be looked upon as the six quarters. The parents should be looked upon as the East, teachers as the South, wife and children as the West, friends and associates as the North, servants and employees as the Nadir, ascetics and brahmans as the Zenith.
...
"In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:

(i) Having supported me I shall support them,
(ii) I shall do their duties,
(iii) I shall keep the family tradition,
(iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance,
(v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed relatives.

"In five ways, young householder, the parents thus ministered to as the East by their children, show their compassion:

(i) they restrain them from evil,
(ii) they encourage them to do good,
(iii) they train them for a profession,
(iv) they arrange a suitable marriage,
(v) at the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them.

"In these five ways do children minister to their parents as the East and the parents show their compassion to their children. Thus is the East covered by them and made safe and secure.
...
"In five ways, young householder, should a wife as the West be ministered to by a husband:

(i) by being courteous to her,
(ii) by not despising her,
(iii) by being faithful to her,
(iv) by handing over authority to her,
(v) by providing her with adornments.
"The wife thus ministered to as the West by her husband shows her compassion to her husband in five ways:

(i) she performs her duties well,
(ii) she is hospitable to relations and attendants[10]
(iii) she is faithful,
(iv) she protects what he brings,
(v) she is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties.

"In these five ways does the wife show her compassion to her husband who ministers to her as the West. Thus is the West covered by him and made safe and secure.

[Aloka]

.

AN 4.255 Kula Sutta: On Families

"In every case where a family cannot hold onto its great wealth for long, it is for one or another of these four reasons. Which four? They don't look for things that are lost. They don't repair things that have gotten old. They are immoderate in consuming food and drink. They place a woman or man of no virtue or principles in the position of authority. In every case where a family cannot hold onto its great wealth for long, it is for one or another of these four reasons.

"In every case where a family can hold onto its great wealth for long, it is for one or another of these four reasons. Which four? They look for things that are lost. They repair things that have gotten old. They are moderate in consuming food and drink. They place a virtuous, principled woman or man in the position of authority. In every case where a family can hold onto its great wealth for long, it is for one or another of these four reasons."

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html

[Eko Care]

Valuing the freedom
wander alone
like a rhinoceros.

The rhinoceros sutta is one of my favorites.