should I marry or be single?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

Aloka wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 7:20 am
Cortadew wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:03 am in Buddhism sensuality is seen as an evil, so if you engage in it you will be seen as a lower practitioner.
Is how one is "seen" as a practitioner very important to you, then?


.
What he is saying is true.. hearing music, indulging in day dream thoughts, idle talk, seeing people with lust perceptions will make gods in heaven talk ill about us.. they wont consider us as someone worthy to interact ... our precept in this world should make gods in far heaven to admire us and take us as example.. but now im very far from this and i am a lower practioner as of now.. im moving forward in slow pace
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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Aloka
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Aloka »

confusedlayman wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:47 am
What he is saying is true.. hearing music, indulging in day dream thoughts, idle talk, seeing people with lust perceptions will make gods in heaven talk ill about us.. they wont consider us as someone worthy to interact ... our precept in this world should make gods in far heaven to admire us and take us as example.. but now im very far from this and i am a lower practioner as of now.. im moving forward in slow pace
I do tend to wonder how many western buddhist practitioners in the year 2020 are superstitious enough to actually believe there are "gods in heaven" who "talk ill about us" or "admire us and take us as example". .... Sounds more like a 'fantasy & the supernatural' movie. Add lots of gratuitous sex & violence and a few dragons & we'd have a parallel to something like "Game of Thrones" on a cloud!

:shrug:


.
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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

Aloka wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 11:15 am
confusedlayman wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:47 am
What he is saying is true.. hearing music, indulging in day dream thoughts, idle talk, seeing people with lust perceptions will make gods in heaven talk ill about us.. they wont consider us as someone worthy to interact ... our precept in this world should make gods in far heaven to admire us and take us as example.. but now im very far from this and i am a lower practioner as of now.. im moving forward in slow pace
I do tend to wonder how many western buddhist practitioners in the year 2020 are superstitious enough to actually believe there are "gods in heaven" who "talk ill about us" or "admire us and take us as example". .... Sounds more like a 'fantasy & the supernatural' movie. Add lots of gratuitous sex & violence and a few dragons & we'd have a parallel to something like "Game of Thrones" on a cloud!

:shrug:


.
its given somewhere in suttas ...gods dont associate with people who are not controled in 5 sence

but if u can enter non abiding nirvana, brahmas and god Indra will pay homage from that far ...
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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Aloka
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Aloka »

'Is there Heaven and Hell?' with Ajahn Brahm.( approx 6minutes)




:anjali:
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cappuccino
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by cappuccino »

The Thirty-one Planes of Existence

Scattered throughout the suttas are references to as many as thirty-one distinct "planes" or "realms" of existence into which beings can be reborn during their long wandering through samsara. These range from the extraordinarily grim and painful hell realms all the way up to the most exquisitely refined and blissful heaven realms.

Existence in every realm is temporary; in Buddhist cosmology there is no eternal heaven or hell. Beings are born into a particular realm according to their past kamma.
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cappuccino
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by cappuccino »

Kukkuravatika Sutta wrote:Now there are two destinations for one with wrong view, I say: hell or the animal womb …
:coffee:
Cortadew
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Cortadew »

Aloka wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 7:20 am
Cortadew wrote: Fri Apr 03, 2020 4:03 am in Buddhism sensuality is seen as an evil, so if you engage in it you will be seen as a lower practitioner.
Is how one is "seen" as a practitioner very important to you, then?


.
Yes of course, the Buddha teached to not associate with fools, and as you know someone completely unrestrained, without Sīla, without Sāti and without Pañña is a fool in the eyes of the dhamma and people who are practicing should be wary of these people.
Last edited by Cortadew on Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Cortadew »

Maybe I exaggerated when I say one is seen as a lower practitioner but the dhamma being a doctrine of renunciation and peace praises the noble life of those who don't delight in sensuality so it's not black or white but any effort of sense restraint may increase the due progress in the path.
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Aloka
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Aloka »

Cortadew wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:36 pm Maybe I exaggerated when I say one is seen as a lower practitioner but the dhamma being a doctrine of renunciation and peace praises the noble life of those who don't delight in sensuality so it's not black or white but any effort of sense restraint may increase the due progress in the path.
Personally, I think that attending to one's own attitude to others, as well as formal Dhamma practice, is more important than trying to evaluate the intentions and practices of everyone else in an approval rating of "lower" or "higher".

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Last edited by Aloka on Sun Aug 02, 2020 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Cortadew
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Cortadew »

Aloka wrote: Sun Aug 02, 2020 10:39 am
Cortadew wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 9:36 pm Maybe I exaggerated when I say one is seen as a lower practitioner but the dhamma being a doctrine of renunciation and peace praises the noble life of those who don't delight in sensuality so it's not black or white but any effort of sense restraint may increase the due progress in the path.
Personally, I think that attending to one's own attitude to others, as well as formal Dhamma practice, is more important than trying to evaluate the intentions and practices of everyone else in an approval rating of "lower" or "highter".

.
But I don't mean literally as being personally judged by others. What I mean is the Buddha and nobles praised the person who had restraint on sensual pleasures, development of concentration and generation of wisdom and merit in comparison with someone who had no restraint, no concentration and no wisdom, this person is foolish in the eyes of the dhamma.
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Inedible »

Being married is hard work. You would be including someone else in your life and it can't be just about what you want to do. Worse if you have children. At least become a Stream Enterer first and see if you still want to do it.
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Cortadew »

Inedible wrote: Mon Sep 21, 2020 2:09 am Being married is hard work. You would be including someone else in your life and it can't be just about what you want to do. Worse if you have children. At least become a Stream Enterer first and see if you still want to do it.
I believe the path will take one more and more into a renunciate if wisdom is realised, living like a semi monk while in lay life.
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by SteRo »

confusedlayman wrote: Sat Oct 05, 2019 12:40 am I dont think I can have xx.. so xx is not a matter for me. it dont bother me anymore. but I still have cravings. so basically should I marry? I dont have gf before or present as I know surely I will lose them one day and attachment to them is already seen as suffering so no need to buy excess stress for myself.

since xx is not a matter im wondering if I should marry? is there any reason to marry other than having xx? do I need kids to take care when im old and can't move or to do funeral rites ? or should I die alone as orphan dead body and be in body bag till they dispose me themselves? or should I need some companion? I dont want to have xx as I recently found im mentally incapable to intentionally have and being a celibate (I use my own hand sometimes) till now didn't bother me and my happiness when alone is highest than with others. I am confused .... I want to live solitude but how should I think of this?
Now, one year later, don't you laugh at this former stupidity?
Exhaling अ and inhaling धीः amounts to བྷྲཱུཾ་བི་ཤྭ་བི་ཤུད་དྷེ
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Mahabrahma
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Mahabrahma »

Open up to your full Enlightenment, then marry, that is the better choice as then you will have a better and Spiritual relationship.
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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

SteRo wrote: Fri Sep 25, 2020 10:46 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Sat Oct 05, 2019 12:40 am I dont think I can have xx.. so xx is not a matter for me. it dont bother me anymore. but I still have cravings. so basically should I marry? I dont have gf before or present as I know surely I will lose them one day and attachment to them is already seen as suffering so no need to buy excess stress for myself.

since xx is not a matter im wondering if I should marry? is there any reason to marry other than having xx? do I need kids to take care when im old and can't move or to do funeral rites ? or should I die alone as orphan dead body and be in body bag till they dispose me themselves? or should I need some companion? I dont want to have xx as I recently found im mentally incapable to intentionally have and being a celibate (I use my own hand sometimes) till now didn't bother me and my happiness when alone is highest than with others. I am confused .... I want to live solitude but how should I think of this?
Now, one year later, don't you laugh at this former stupidity?
Im still in delimma
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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