The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

On the cultivation of insight/wisdom
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No_Mind
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The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by No_Mind »

I did not know the appropriate section to write this .. so put it in wellness.

I do not understand if it is the effect of solitary confinement for several months (due to corona there is no usual interaction with friends and family .. video calls can't substitute reality and my work is where the laptop is) or my own mental proliferation.

Why does in recent days Buddhism give me "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling? If I feel happy or excited or joyous .. I feel guilt that I am not being mindful, that I am allowing arising which would be followed by cessation, followed by craving, and .. so on.

As humans we are not programmed to act that way. I don't know how the Buddha's brain was wired but if someone really put into practice even 5% of what he asked .. the result would be .. metaphorical suicide. I have tried over past few months. So I speak from some experience.

It is not morality (Mormons don't even drink caffeine let alone have extramarital affair), discipline (athletes and academics do better in that department), learning pages of esoteric suttas (priests do that in seminary of every religion) .. it is the need to die, to kill one self, to deny even thoughts from arising that seem so weird.

If Buddhism feels like a prison should one break out of it?

:namaste:
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
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Sam Vara
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Sam Vara »

No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:47 pm I did not know the appropriate section to write this .. so put it in wellness.

I do not understand if it is the effect of solitary confinement for several months (due to corona there is no usual interaction with friends and family .. video calls can't substitute reality and my work is where the laptop is) or my own mental proliferation.

Why does in recent days Buddhism give me "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling? If I feel happy or excited or joyous .. I feel guilt that I am not being mindful, that I am allowing arising which would be followed by cessation, followed by craving, and .. so on.

As humans we are not programmed to act that way. I don't know how the Buddha's brain was wired but if someone really put into practice even 5% of what he asked .. the result would be .. metaphorical suicide. I have tried over past few months. So I speak from some experience.

It is not morality (Mormons don't even drink caffeine let alone have extramarital affair), discipline (athletes and academics do better in that department), learning pages of esoteric suttas (priests do that in seminary of every religion) .. it is the need to die, to kill one self, to deny even thoughts from arising that seem so weird.

If Buddhism feels like a prison should one break out of it?

:namaste:
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, No_Mind. There's no need to deny thoughts or feelings from arising. In fact, I think that's an impossible standard. The standard I try to hold myself to is to watch my thoughts as they arise, and to see if they are bad intentions. And if they are, to not follow them. :anjali: :heart:
SteRo
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by SteRo »

No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:47 pm ...
Why does in recent days Buddhism give me "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling? If I feel happy or excited or joyous .. I feel guilt that I am not being mindful, that I am allowing arising which would be followed by cessation, followed by craving, and .. so on.
When feeling guilty she/he discerns "I am feeling guilty", when not feeling guilty she/he discerns "I am not feeling guilty". The same with feeling "happy or excited or joyous".
Or focused on mental qualities she/he discerns "Mindfulness as a factor for awakening is not present within me. " or "Mindfulness as a factor for awakening is present within me"

“In this way she/he remains focused internally on mental qualities ... Or she/he remains focused on the phenomenon of origination with regard to mental qualities, on the phenomenon of passing away with regard to mental qualities, or on the phenomenon of origination & passing away with regard to mental qualities. Or her/his mindfulness that ‘There are mental qualities’ is maintained to the extent of knowledge & remembrance. And she/he remains independent, unsustained by [not clinging to] anything in the world.
No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:47 pm If Buddhism feels like a prison should one break out of it?
"And she/he remains independent, unsustained by [not clinging to] anything in the world "... not even clinging to buddhism or doubt about buddhism. But she/he discerns "There is doubt in me" or "there is no doubt in me" etc. etc.

Wording taken from or inspired by Satipaṭṭhāna Sutta the complete wording of which I find far too complicated to be of direct practical use.
Exhaling अ and inhaling धीः amounts to བྷྲཱུཾ་བི་ཤྭ་བི་ཤུད་དྷེ It's definitely not science but science may provide guidelines nevertheless.
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No_Mind
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by No_Mind »

Sam and SteRo,

My mind was feeling slightly constrained. Better now after meditation.

Oddly enough now I can understand perfectly which thought is mental proliferation and which is actual, real, useful. And shut down mental proliferation within an hour.

Couldn't do that before the pandemic.

Hopefully it is a sign of progress.

:namaste:
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
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Sam Vara
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Sam Vara »

No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 6:23 pm Sam and SteRo,

My mind was feeling slightly constrained. Better now after meditation.

Oddly enough now I can understand perfectly which thought is mental proliferation and which is actual, real, useful. And shut down mental proliferation within an hour.

Couldn't do that before the pandemic.

Hopefully it is a sign of progress.

:namaste:
It sounds like it! :thumbsup:

Wishing you all the best in your endeavours. :anjali: :heart:
SarathW
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by SarathW »

No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:47 pm I did not know the appropriate section to write this .. so put it in wellness.

I do not understand if it is the effect of solitary confinement for several months (due to corona there is no usual interaction with friends and family .. video calls can't substitute reality and my work is where the laptop is) or my own mental proliferation.

Why does in recent days Buddhism give me "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling? If I feel happy or excited or joyous .. I feel guilt that I am not being mindful, that I am allowing arising which would be followed by cessation, followed by craving, and .. so on.

As humans we are not programmed to act that way. I don't know how the Buddha's brain was wired but if someone really put into practice even 5% of what he asked .. the result would be .. metaphorical suicide. I have tried over past few months. So I speak from some experience.

It is not morality (Mormons don't even drink caffeine let alone have extramarital affair), discipline (athletes and academics do better in that department), learning pages of esoteric suttas (priests do that in seminary of every religion) .. it is the need to die, to kill one self, to deny even thoughts from arising that seem so weird.

If Buddhism feels like a prison should one break out of it?

:namaste:
It appears you got Buddha's teaching totally wrong.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
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robertk
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by robertk »

As stero's post implies, satipatthana is really about understanding what is present, not what we think should be present.
Alino
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Alino »

Dear NoMind,

I think the problem here is too hight level expectations for oneself, we need to be humble students and know our limits.

Joy is ok, its factor of awakening.
Joy is a feeling of intense lightness of mind, while mind frees from attachments and burdens - it feels lightness and joy.
What is pressure you from all sides is your views and desires.

On your place I would work with liberating my mind from attachments (socials, sensual...) with some wisdom (as described SamVara: rising, being, vanishing of mental phenomenas) with some patience and with some altruistic joy.
You need joy.
Find some news paper with only good news all around the world and while reading it and seeing smiling happy faces - smile with them, rise this feeling of joy in your heart.

Joy and Avertion are two sides of the same coin. While one is visible the other is invisible, so if you rise up the Joy side - Avertion will disappear from your mind.

Brain need to be rewired by taking new roads again and again until information will go through only wholesome easy, light, radiant roads... not heavy, dark, painfull sticky ones...

Be happy 🙏😊
We don't live Samsara, Samsara is living us...

"Form, feelings, perceptions, formations, consciousness - don't care about us, we don't exist for them"
denise
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by denise »

:bow:
Mr. Seek
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Mr. Seek »

It's soteriology. Do what gets you out of stress. Experiment, play around. You've got all the time in the world. Or not.

This is not limited to Buddhism. All serious spiritual paths are like this. You'd be having the same issue if you were a novice Christian monk trying to reach God through prayer.

If you want to transcend the mundane, you have to transcend the mundane. There is no other way around it. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Hey, don't worry dude. Eventually with enough study and practice you'll probably see through the veil and realize that all this impermanent bullsh*t is just a bother. Good feelings, bad feelings, neutral feelings, no feelings... all change. Don't sweat it too much, just try and find peace through the Dhamma.
Snp 5.11—"Having nothing, free of clinging: That is the island, there is no other."
Mr. Seek
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Mr. Seek »

Alino wrote: Mon Nov 02, 2020 3:55 pm Find some news paper with only good news all around the world and while reading it and seeing smiling happy faces - smile with them, rise this feeling of joy in your heart.
I don't mind this as advice for laypeople who are trying to practice the 4 precepts, but OP is a meditator from what I read. Telling him to seek joy externally like this is one big trap. This is sensual joy. You don't want to be dependent on external conditions that much. Today it's happy news, tomorrow it's porn, and before you know it you can't function in inhospitable environments that don't cater to your cravings. Just leaving this as a note... Otherwise, of course: cheer up, arouse your vigor, but don't neglect samvega.
Snp 5.11—"Having nothing, free of clinging: That is the island, there is no other."
befriend
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by befriend »

Mr. Seek wrote: Mon Jan 04, 2021 4:14 pm
Alino wrote: Mon Nov 02, 2020 3:55 pm Find some news paper with only good news all around the world and while reading it and seeing smiling happy faces - smile with them, rise this feeling of joy in your heart.
I don't mind this as advice for laypeople who are trying to practice the 4 precepts, but OP is a meditator from what I read. Telling him to seek joy externally like this is one big trap. This is sensual joy. You don't want to be dependent on external conditions that much. Today it's happy news, tomorrow it's porn, and before you know it you can't function in inhospitable environments that don't cater to your cravings. Just leaving this as a note... Otherwise, of course: cheer up, arouse your vigor, but don't neglect samvega.
It's sympathetic joy.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
Spiny Norman
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Spiny Norman »

Not strictly Theravada, but the RAIN method is worth mentioning here.

https://mrsmindfulness.com/r-n-four-ste ... ult-times/
Buddha save me from new-agers!
dharmacorps
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by dharmacorps »

No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:47 pm
If Buddhism feels like a prison should one break out of it?

If Buddhism feels like a prison then maybe you aren't actually practicing it, but something else.
Spiny Norman
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Re: The constant "I shouldn't be feeling this way" feeling

Post by Spiny Norman »

dharmacorps wrote: Mon Jan 04, 2021 6:47 pm
No_Mind wrote: Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:47 pm
If Buddhism feels like a prison should one break out of it?

If Buddhism feels like a prison then maybe you aren't actually practicing it, but something else.
Or you need to be doing something else? Buddhism isn't for everyone - except in the mind of fundamentalists.
Buddha save me from new-agers!
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