Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
santa100
Posts: 6811
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:55 pm

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by santa100 »

aspirant wrote:Would be mother...
Would be a good idea to check with your family doctor and ask for any related health tests. Also start taking good care of your body: healthy diets, regular exercises, practice meditation, avoid stressful situations, etc. If the mother is healthy both physically and mentally, that'd increase the chance for the future child to also be healthy physically and mentally.
aspirant
Posts: 25
Joined: Thu Oct 30, 2014 12:00 pm

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by aspirant »

Yes. I have been following a healthy diet, exercising and meditating regularly. :anjali:
Atta hi attano natho atta hi attano gati;
-Dhammapada - 380
You are your own master, you make your own future.
User avatar
Akashad
Posts: 325
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 2:00 am

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by Akashad »

binocular wrote: Mon Jun 03, 2019 5:10 pm
Akashad wrote: Mon Jun 03, 2019 1:34 pmIf your the father or the male in your 40 then it's not an issue
Paternal age effect

The paternal age effect is the statistical relationship between paternal age at conception and biological effects on the child.[1] Such effects can relate to birthweight, congenital disorders, life expectancy, and psychological outcomes.[2] A 2017 review found that while severe health effects are associated with higher paternal age, the total increase in problems caused by paternal age is low.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect
My mistake.Fathers also contribute to the complications.
User avatar
confusedlayman
Posts: 6231
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:16 am
Location: Human Realm (as of now)

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by confusedlayman »

If i were you, i would have become a monastic as i know having a baby is only suffering .. if u want genuine happiness, then dont have baby irrespective of ur age... This advice is only for buddhist who want to realize higher stages and ignore my comment if this advice is not being interpreted properly
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
User avatar
DooDoot
Posts: 12032
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2017 11:06 pm

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by DooDoot »

confusedlayman wrote: Tue Jun 09, 2020 9:28 pm If i were you, i would have become a monastic as i know having a baby is only suffering .. if u want genuine happiness, then dont have baby irrespective of ur age... This advice is only for buddhist who want to realize higher stages and ignore my comment if this advice is not being interpreted properly
The above is wrong advice. Buddha does not teach laypeople to avoid babies and tell people who want to have babies to become monastic.
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/paticcasamuppada
https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/anapanasati
eto
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2018 11:48 pm

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by eto »

Regarding the early 40s question, the main issue I imagine is with potential medical complications.. So I guess you'll need to speak to a specialist in that field to become properly informed.

Outside of that, I can't see any great benefit of having children, only more suffering. I urge you to read ajahn fuangs position on the subject:
https://accesstoinsight.org/lib/thai/fuang/single.html
User avatar
Aloka
Posts: 7797
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:51 pm

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by Aloka »

DooDoot wrote: Tue Jun 09, 2020 9:39 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Tue Jun 09, 2020 9:28 pm If i were you, i would have become a monastic as i know having a baby is only suffering .. if u want genuine happiness, then dont have baby irrespective of ur age... This advice is only for buddhist who want to realize higher stages and ignore my comment if this advice is not being interpreted properly
The above is wrong advice. Buddha does not teach laypeople to avoid babies and tell people who want to have babies to become monastic.

:goodpost: Most definately wrong advice.

"Aspirant"..... Please be careful who's advice (if any) that you follow on the internet.

With metta,

Aloka.
User avatar
confusedlayman
Posts: 6231
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:16 am
Location: Human Realm (as of now)

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by confusedlayman »

budo wrote: Tue May 28, 2019 9:39 am For men, the science suggests it's even better for them to be older (until age 65), as the sperm have longer telomeres. For women, the younger, the healthier (post-puberty that is), but shouldn't be too much of an issue if she's in her 40s, as long as she is carefully monitored.
so 65 year old man marrying 20 year old women gets best baby?
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
User avatar
Gwi
Posts: 333
Joined: Sat Sep 04, 2021 3:33 am
Location: Indonesia

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by Gwi »

aspirant wrote: Tue May 28, 2019 8:51 am Our new born baby lived for 21 days and passed away 5 years back. After that, we got more involved in attending meditation retreats, and helping monastics.
Now, we want to have a child again. Both of us meditate regularly and help out at various retreats. Question: Is it ok to have baby in early 40's? Any advice and suggestions from the Sangha is welcome. :anjali:


Giving birth at the age of 40 is the best.
At this age, the baby will be very healthy
and could have twins.


Source:
The Great Chronicle of Buddhas (vol. 3):
"Pregnancy in the second stage".
Attachments
tmp-cam-44643445.jpg
Bahagia Tidak Harus Selalu Bersama

Dhammapadå 370
"Tinggalkanlah 5 (belantara) dan patahkan 5 (belenggu rendah),
Serta kembangkan 5 potensi (4 iddhipādā + 1 ussoḷhi).
Bhikkhu yang telah menaklukkan 5 kungkungan (belenggu tinggi),
Lebih layak disebut 'orang yang telah mengarungi air baih (saṃsārå)'."
jc1990
Posts: 60
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2022 2:13 pm

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by jc1990 »

yes, it is ok, you can have baby at any age as long as the mother can conceive.
TryingToMeditate
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri May 20, 2022 10:34 am

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by TryingToMeditate »

jc1990 wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 6:26 pm yes, it is ok, you can have baby at any age as long as the mother can conceive.
I'm jc1990 quoted, I think I posted in an over confident manner, I don't know about this actually, what I know is, it's good to have child earlier, but it might be ok.
Reissu
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2021 12:31 am

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by Reissu »

budo wrote: Tue May 28, 2019 7:15 pm
Polar Bear wrote: Tue May 28, 2019 4:47 pm
budo wrote: Tue May 28, 2019 3:21 pm I've contemplated anti-natalism for a long time, maybe over a decade now.

From a Buddhist perspective, giving a being a chance to attain path is good karma.

From a selfish naturalist perspective, having kids to take care of you when you're old is a good insurance policy.

From an altruist atheist leftist perspective, bringing kids into the world is bad for the climate, being poor sucks, existentialism/nihilism etc..

Would I have kids if I were in a concentration camp? No. But the world isn't at that point yet. Therefore my conclusion is as long as I can teach them the dhamma and they can enjoy nature, then life is worth living.
I do not think there is a single sutta where parents are praised for giving someone the opportunity to be born as a human. Yes, children are encouraged to have gratitude for those who raised them but the Buddha never praises parents.

It is considered better to not have kids and therefore not have attachment to kids.
...

I wish everyone the best in their own decisions although I’ll admit I have a bias and am basically interested in humans having as little children as possible.
Seems like cherrypicking due to your bias.
To have friends in need is sweet
And to share happiness.

And to have done something good
Before leaving this life is sweet,

And to let go of sorrow.
To be a mother is sweet,
And a father.

It is sweet to live arduously,
And to master yourself.

O how sweet it is to enjoy life,
Living in honesty and strength!
And wisdom is sweet,
And freedom.

- Dhammapadda 23

There's probably more suttas, but this just comes off the top of my head.

Yes, everything that is impermanent is dukkha but there's a reason being born human is the best condition for attaining enlightenment.

One should not take the human state for granted
"Monks, suppose that this great earth were totally covered with water, and a man were to toss a yoke with a single hole there. A wind from the east would push it west, a wind from the west would push it east. A wind from the north would push it south, a wind from the south would push it north. And suppose a blind sea-turtle were there. It would come to the surface once every one hundred years. Now what do you think: would that blind sea-turtle, coming to the surface once every one hundred years, stick his neck into the yoke with a single hole?"

"It would be a sheer coincidence, lord, that the blind sea-turtle, coming to the surface once every one hundred years, would stick his neck into the yoke with a single hole."

"It's likewise a sheer coincidence that one obtains the human state. It's likewise a sheer coincidence that a Tathagata, worthy & rightly self-awakened, arises in the world. It's likewise a sheer coincidence that a doctrine & discipline expounded by a Tathagata appears in the world. Now, this human state has been obtained. A Tathagata, worthy & rightly self-awakened, has arisen in the world. A doctrine & discipline expounded by a Tathagata appears in the world.

"Therefore your duty is the contemplation, 'This is stress... This is the origination of stress... This is the cessation of stress.' Your duty is the contemplation, 'This is the path of practice leading to the cessation of stress.'"


- SN 56.48

Ideally one should become a monk and be celibate, but without the lay community monks wouldn't survive, let alone be born in the first place.
I came across this old topic and have to point out that the Dhammapada verse quoted here is very wrong and misleading. Just compare this quoted "translation" with any other available and take your conclusions. Clearly the verse 23 states that it's good to pay respect/reverence/give support to mother and father, not that it's sweet to be one. Here is one real translation for the sake of comparison :

A blessing: friends when the need arises.
A blessing: contentment with whatever there is.
Merit at the ending of life is a blessing.
A blessing: the abandoning of all suffering
& stress.

A blessing in the world: reverence to your mother.
A blessing: reverence to your father as well.
A blessing in the world: reverence to a contemplative.
A blessing: reverence for a brahman, too

And another:

Better it is to live alone; there is no fellowship with a fool. Live alone and do no evil; be carefree like and elephant in the elephant forest.

331. Good are friends when need arises; good is contentment with just what one has; good is merit when life is at an end, and good is the abandoning of all suffering (through Arahatship).

332. In this world, good it is to serve one's mother, good it is to serve one's father, good it is to serve the monks, and good it is to serve the holy men.


With Metta,
User avatar
Ron-The-Elder
Posts: 1909
Joined: Mon Jan 10, 2011 4:42 pm
Location: Concord, New Hampshire, U.S.A.

Re: Early 40's, wanting to have baby

Post by Ron-The-Elder »

budo wrote: "From a Buddhist perspective, giving a being a chance to attain path is good karma."

There are few life-forms which can understand The Dharma as explained by The Buddhas, so giving a being the chance to be reborn as a human is indeed "good Kamma". :clap:
What Makes an Elder? :
A head of gray hairs doesn't mean one's an elder. Advanced in years, one's called an old fool.
But one in whom there is truth, restraint, rectitude, gentleness,self-control, he's called an elder, his impurities disgorged, enlightened.
-Dhammpada, 19, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.
Post Reply