In Memory of My Cousin Betty

[sattva]

I hope you all don't mind. This will be long-winded. The way I tend to process things is by talking about them. Yesterday, my cousin died. Although she was my cousin, she always felt more like an aunt. Besides my dad, she was the oldest blood relative I had left.

I am not sure how old she was, but young, when her mother passed away in childbirth. My uncle, her older sister, her baby brother, and Betty moved in with my grandmother. Betty always said that my mom felt more like an older sister. I think they were about 10 years apart in age. I guess I will know for sure when her obituary is posted. From the time I was about 5 until the age of 12, our two families were neighbors. Her oldest daughter is the same age as my brother. My sister who is closest to me in age is the same age as Betty's middle daughter. Her youngest daughter is a year younger than me. On holidays our families would always visit each other. Betty had one more child, a boy who probably is about 50-54. I guess I am telling you all this to explain the fact that she felt more like an aunt than a cousin.

As Betty got older, more and more she bore a strong resemblance to my mom, but their personalities were definitely different. When I think of Betty the words "no hard edges" come to mind. She was genuinely one of the nicest and warmest people I have ever known. Most of us, including me, have sharp edges, places where we are harsh and hard and well, cutting, but if Betty had any of those hard edges they were so negligible as to be almost undetectable.

When I had my son 40 years ago, it was she who threw my a baby shower. With me living away for almost 18 years, I didn't see her very much. After I moved back to town, we would occasionally see each other. Of course, we always did that "we have to get together" scenario. Last fall, we all finally decided to start getting together once a month for breakfast at a restaurant. We just had one on April 4th. This one included Betty, her husband, son and his girlfriend. my sister, dad, my one niece and her husband, and myself. We actually had one breakfast where all four of her children were present.

Betty said at this last breakfast that we should keep doing this. That she didn't want to stop. I remember how for some reason, I hugged her especially long as we parted. Before the meal came, I pulled up a chair near her because I was farther down at the table and I just loved talking to her. Betty had Alzheimer's. It was very apparent when I asked her what year she was born, and she was unable to remember. She also had balance problems and had taken several falls. She laughed as she told me about the exercises that they were having her do in rehab to help with her balance. Betty was always laughing and smiling. She was just such a pleasant and easy going person.

Her dying was strange and if it happened about when I think it happened, we were in the same facility when it happened. Yesterday was one of my dialysis days at the hospital. Apparently over the weekend, her husband had to be admitted to the hospital. He had developed blood clots in his leg. They were getting ready to release him and Betty and his oldest daughter were there to take him home. The daughter had gotten her mother a glass of water. Betty took a drink and then fell over backwards. If she had a chance of survival that was the place to do it, they immediately had people there. They put her into her husband's bed and tried to revive her, but was unable to do so. It sounds like a massive heart attack to me or a blood clot that went to her brain. I don't know if they will do an autopsy since it happened in the hospital.

I am going to miss Betty. It feels a little like losing my mother again or a beloved aunt. I would love to be wrong about there being a "heaven" as Christians envision It and that she, my mom, my Aunt Peg, and my Aunt Katy were all together and having a good chat. I know this much. Betty will not have a lower rebirth. Like I said, she was one of the kindest people I ever knew.

It will be hard on her husband. Out of all the couples I have ever known, they seemed to be the happiest. They made a pact early on to never go to bed angry at each other. I never knew them to be mean to each other or talk negatively about the other. I am glad though that Betty didn't get so bad with the Alzheimer's that she didn't know people. She always seemed so happy to see us to spend time with us. She was a delightful human being.

In the end, anyone who takes the time to read all of this, I want you to remember how fleeting life is, how suddenly it can end. When I was talking to a friend of mine about this, she mentioned about how nice it was that we had been getting together for breakfast every month. I only wish we had done this earlier. These kind of incidences remind us, or at least me, not just to spend more time practicing, but also to spend more time with family, more time with the people I love and the people who have loved and cared for me.

[Sam Vara]

Thank you for sharing this, Sattva. It's good to be reminded of the existence of virtuous people, even if we can no longer meet with them in person. I hope Betty has a fortunate and happy rebirth.

[DNS]

In the end, anyone who takes the time to read all of this, I want you to remember how fleeting life is, how suddenly it can end. When I was talking to a friend of mine about this, she mentioned about how nice it was that we had been getting together for breakfast every month. I only wish we had done this earlier. These kind of incidences remind us, or at least me, not just to spend more time practicing, but also to spend more time with family, more time with the people I love and the people who have loved and cared for me.

True.

[SarathW]

[sattva]

Thank you Sam Vara, David, and Sarath

[Kusala]

I hope you all don't mind. This will be long-winded. The way I tend to process things is by talking about them. Yesterday, my cousin died. Although she was my cousin, she always felt more like an aunt. Besides my dad, she was the oldest blood relative I had left.

I am not sure how old she was, but young, when her mother passed away in childbirth. My uncle, her older sister, her baby brother, and Betty moved in with my grandmother. Betty always said that my mom felt more like an older sister. I think they were about 10 years apart in age. I guess I will know for sure when her obituary is posted. From the time I was about 5 until the age of 12, our two families were neighbors. Her oldest daughter is the same age as my brother. My sister who is closest to me in age is the same age as Betty's middle daughter. Her youngest daughter is a year younger than me. On holidays our families would always visit each other. Betty had one more child, a boy who probably is about 50-54. I guess I am telling you all this to explain the fact that she felt more like an aunt than a cousin.

As Betty got older, more and more she bore a strong resemblance to my mom, but their personalities were definitely different. When I think of Betty the words "no hard edges" come to mind. She was genuinely one of the nicest and warmest people I have ever known. Most of us, including me, have sharp edges, places where we are harsh and hard and well, cutting, but if Betty had any of those hard edges they were so negligible as to be almost undetectable.

When I had my son 40 years ago, it was she who threw my a baby shower. With me living away for almost 18 years, I didn't see her very much. After I moved back to town, we would occasionally see each other. Of course, we always did that "we have to get together" scenario. Last fall, we all finally decided to start getting together once a month for breakfast at a restaurant. We just had one on April 4th. This one included Betty, her husband, son and his girlfriend. my sister, dad, my one niece and her husband, and myself. We actually had one breakfast where all four of her children were present.

Betty said at this last breakfast that we should keep doing this. That she didn't want to stop. I remember how for some reason, I hugged her especially long as we parted. Before the meal came, I pulled up a chair near her because I was farther down at the table and I just loved talking to her. Betty had Alzheimer's. It was very apparent when I asked her what year she was born, and she was unable to remember. She also had balance problems and had taken several falls. She laughed as she told me about the exercises that they were having her do in rehab to help with her balance. Betty was always laughing and smiling. She was just such a pleasant and easy going person.

Her dying was strange and if it happened about when I think it happened, we were in the same facility when it happened. Yesterday was one of my dialysis days at the hospital. Apparently over the weekend, her husband had to be admitted to the hospital. He had developed blood clots in his leg. They were getting ready to release him and Betty and his oldest daughter were there to take him home. The daughter had gotten her mother a glass of water. Betty took a drink and then fell over backwards. If she had a chance of survival that was the place to do it, they immediately had people there. They put her into her husband's bed and tried to revive her, but was unable to do so. It sounds like a massive heart attack to me or a blood clot that went to her brain. I don't know if they will do an autopsy since it happened in the hospital.

I am going to miss Betty. It feels a little like losing my mother again or a beloved aunt. I would love to be wrong about there being a "heaven" as Christians envision It and that she, my mom, my Aunt Peg, and my Aunt Katy were all together and having a good chat. I know this much. Betty will not have a lower rebirth. Like I said, she was one of the kindest people I ever knew.

It will be hard on her husband. Out of all the couples I have ever known, they seemed to be the happiest. They made a pact early on to never go to bed angry at each other. I never knew them to be mean to each other or talk negatively about the other. I am glad though that Betty didn't get so bad with the Alzheimer's that she didn't know people. She always seemed so happy to see us to spend time with us. She was a delightful human being.

In the end, anyone who takes the time to read all of this, I want you to remember how fleeting life is, how suddenly it can end. When I was talking to a friend of mine about this, she mentioned about how nice it was that we had been getting together for breakfast every month. I only wish we had done this earlier. These kind of incidences remind us, or at least me, not just to spend more time practicing, but also to spend more time with family, more time with the people I love and the people who have loved and cared for me.

A touching post... Thank you, Sattva!

[cooran]

Thank you, sattva.

[jagodage]

Dear Sattva

First accept my condolence.I would like to remind you that this is fully expound by Lord Buddha in his sermon in Four Noble Truth.In that the relevant part is Dukka expose when our dear being depart.

Be metta upon everybody !!!

[sattva]

Thank you Kusala, Chris, and jagodage.

[jovialfitter]

Betty will be sorely missed. It's like losing a mother or a beloved aunt all over again. That my mother, my aunt Peg, and my aunt Katy were all together and having a good chat in "heaven," as Christians envision it, would make me very happy. This much I know. No lower rebirth for Betty. One of the most compassionate individuals I've ever met, she passed away suddenly.



dordle

[Johann]

I hope you all don't mind. This will be long-winded. The way I tend to process things is by talking about them. Yesterday, my cousin died. Although she was my cousin, she always felt more like an aunt. Besides my dad, she was the oldest blood relative I had left.

Adāsi me akāsi me
Ñāti-mittā sakhā ca me
Petānaṃ dakkhiṇaṃ dajjā
Pubbe katam-anussaraṃ
Na hi ruṇṇaṃ vā soko vā
Yā vaññā paridevanā
Na taṃ petānam-atthāya
Evaṃ tiṭṭhanti ñātayo

"He gave to me, he acted on my behalf,
and he was my relative, companion, friend."
Offerings should be given for the dead
when one reflects (thus) on what was done in the past.
For no weeping or sorrowing or any kind of lamentation
benefit the dead whose relatives keep acting in that way.

[mikenz66]

Note that Sattva died a few years ago:
viewtopic.php?p=533007&hilit=sattva#p533007


Mike