My story :)

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Alex_Hubert
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2022 3:56 am

My story :)

Post by Alex_Hubert »

Hello! I have been studying Buddhism for a couple months now. I first found Buddhism when I was in 8th grade. At the time I was really struggling with my beliefs and felt like I was missing something in my daily life. I have never really felt connected to Christianity which is what the rest of my family practices. I did remember hearing that my uncle was practicing Buddhism so I decided to search the web. I practiced for around a year before I yet again tried a path down Christianity. This lasted for four years, all while I still felt empty but also ashamed that I couldn’t find a genuine connection to Jesus or God. In 2018 I had my first full blown anxiety attack. Complete with helplessness, a fear of being alone, and three trips to the Emergency Room thinking I was dying of a heart attack or something of the like. Since then I have been on a long journey to find my true self and figure out a better way of dealing with my anxieties and stresses moving forward. Through professional help with doctors, therapists and medication I was able to shake the worst feelings and start to “dry myself off”. During the winter months of December till January 1, I had a very intense manic episode that completely threw off my circadian rhythm, only allowing me to sleep around the hours of 10am to 9pm. I basically didn’t see another person (or even my dog who was still taken care of by my roommate). At this time I had realized I was in a little bit of a pickle but still tried to get things back on track. For those three months I was more or less completely isolated left only with my horrible torturous thoughts that kept me entangled with my now sad reality. At first it was just anxiety and stress. Actually most of the time was still filled with anxiety and stress. I would spend all night either outside pacing, in my room attempting with all my might to try and go to sleep during normal hours, or me accepting that I won’t be sleeping again and turn to something like a book or movie. Come January 1, my doctor prescribed me a new medication that would prove to be the “miracle pill” to at least get me back on track with my sleeping schedule. A week or so after that, I started to realize that I had a different way of acknowledging and addressing everyday things and even other people. One night I had a thought that turned into a question. I didn’t know how to phrase it but I knew exactly how I felt. I think I searched for something like “can a person become more in control of their own feelings by seeking help from within”. This lead me straight to the words mindfulness and enlightenment. This time I figured that it would be most beneficial if I took my time and really studied whatever I could Google. I have read quite a few books since then and have decided that the Buddhist path is the path for me. Everything started fitting in very naturally with the life I have been living, especially the last six years. Since that decision I have been contemplating finding a local sangha, in person or online, that can help support me and who I can learn more from. I have been stuck on the idea of finding enlightenment on my own, but have now come to realize even if I could, that not what I truly want. So to anyone who actually read this, first thank you. It means a lot to just type this out and share it, I think I’ve been needing this for a little while now. Secondly, are there any recommendations for how to start a sangha? For example, my two best friends aren’t Buddhist, but our topics of discussion really help me look at things differently and is great practice for exercising my mindfulness techniques. Would this count as a sangha even though we may not have any dharma talks? Thank you again for all who read this, it really means a lot for me to finally share what I have been feeling inside the last few months. I’d love to hear if anyone has had a similar story to mine. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be safe. May you be free from suffering.

Alex
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DNS
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Re: My story :)

Post by DNS »

Welcome to DW!



It sounds like you're still new to buddhism, so I'd take it slow; just continue with instructions from your doctor, read lots of suttas and buddhist books, attend already established buddhist meditation groups for now before embarking on starting one of your own.
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retrofuturist
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Re: My story :)

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings,

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.

:buddha1:

Metta,
Paul. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
SarathW
Posts: 21227
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:49 am

Re: My story :)

Post by SarathW »

Secondly, are there any recommendations for how to start a sangha?
Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.
Distribute a very brief leaflet around your neighborhood to ask people about your intention.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
Alex_Hubert
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2022 3:56 am

Re: My story :)

Post by Alex_Hubert »

DNS wrote: Thu Jul 21, 2022 3:26 am Welcome to DW!



It sounds like you're still new to buddhism, so I'd take it slow; just continue with instructions from your doctor, read lots of suttas and buddhist books, attend already established buddhist meditation groups for now before embarking on starting one of your own.
Thank you DNS, I greatly appreciate that advice. I should reevaluate my speed with which I practice. I’ll continue to stay curious and read a lot. I’ll give a local meditation group a try too. Thanks again!
Alex_Hubert
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2022 3:56 am

Re: My story :)

Post by Alex_Hubert »

retrofuturist wrote: Thu Jul 21, 2022 3:40 am Greetings,

Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.

:buddha1:

Metta,
Paul. :)
Thank you Paul :hello:
Alex_Hubert
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jul 19, 2022 3:56 am

Re: My story :)

Post by Alex_Hubert »

SarathW wrote: Thu Jul 21, 2022 4:37 am
Secondly, are there any recommendations for how to start a sangha?
Welcome to Dhamma Wheel.
Distribute a very brief leaflet around your neighborhood to ask people about your intention.
That is a good idea, I live in a place where that might be possible. Or posters maybe? Thanks SarathW, good thinking.
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