I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
SarathW
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by SarathW »

rekoW wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:29 am
SarathW wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:20 am I don't believe there is automatic entitlement.
May you from primtive 3rd world bankrupt countyr.
Yes I am from Sri Lanka.
It is not primitive, but it is full of Buddhist who don't know Buddhism unfortunately.
So it is sort of primitive I suppose.
We still have lot of primitive discriminations such as color discrimination.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
Canonmp280
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Canonmp280 »

SarathW wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:23 am
Canonmp280 wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:18 am
SarathW wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:03 am Why can't make your own wealth and pass it on to your son?
There is no obligation for your father to pass his wealth to you except look-after you until you are legally an adult.
Yeah i already worked and my goal is to become a better father than my mom dead husband. Dont worry. The problem is he above average rich and in the end my mom struggling to raise me, cmon now, i dont need him helping in my life, but at least responsible to your own wife?

She took care of him in the deathbed, looking back i wish i was the one that unplug the life support cable
It is great that you are going to be a good man.
If you have lot of hatred in you (even for your enemy) you can't be a that great man but you will end up like your dad at the end.
Extend Metta to your dad. We all have problems.
May be your father had a problem only he knew what it was. May be your grand dad mistreated him.
:shrug:

I’m trying but it’s so hard. My mom told me if one day i go to he hospital dont you worry, dont spend money on me. Use it for your family, that shits make me mad. I keep coming back thinking about his useless deadbeat husband.

He has an old mindset, woman should be in the kitchen. So he didn’t teach my mom a lot about money, investing and she goes to a lot of scam investment when he dead because obviously mom want to make money to raise me.

“People told me he gave you a life you should be thankful, so you dont want to be born?”
Bro i dont want him marry my mom, if he still married to my mom and I’m not born. That’s the same thing. Mom would be suffering too because of this deadbeat man
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nothingworthgrasping
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by nothingworthgrasping »

Canonmp280 wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 3:46 am My father is an asshole, he’s a rich man but he didnt write any will and we didn’t get most money.
No, you are an asshole, not him.

Whether he's poor or rich, it's non of your business. Don't be delusional enough to feel entitle for his wealth. Be your own man, stay upright, work hard and support your mother with your own effort, sweats, tears, and blood.
Canonmp280
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Canonmp280 »

nothingworthgrasping wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 6:00 am
Canonmp280 wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 3:46 am My father is an asshole, he’s a rich man but he didnt write any will and we didn’t get most money.
No, you are an asshole, not him.

Whether he's poor or rich, it's non of your business. Don't be delusional enough to feel entitle for his wealth. Be your own man, stay upright, work hard and support your mother with your own effort, sweats, tears, and blood.
Oh look another guy who read the first sentence and knows it all. Nice thanks to you all my problems is solved, you want to solve world hunger next?

No one entitled to his wealth dumbo, but my mom waste his life caring for this prick and in the end she struggling to raise me when i was a child. I don’t event want that prick money

Finish your college then when you know responsibility, we can talk. Yes i can support my mother, but I’m not a dreamer like you saying effort, sweats, tears and blood pfft lmao this is real life brother. My mom got no insurance cause her husband doesn’t do shit, and i can’t put her because there’s an age limit in this country. Not all country have free healthcare, and those prices were not cheap buddy

Her deadbeat husband literally promised her a good life when she dont need to worry, and now she struggling. So you tell me my father has the fortunes to make my mom life happy, but no screw that , after mom took care him for life. He promised her the world and throw the responsibility to me. F That Man, I’m glad he dead

My mom literally pushed me away so I can’t help her, and she keep secrets about her life and health, so i dont need to worry or give her money, yet i still do. I literally secretly watching her through cctv just so i can know, But go ahead with your empty words, you the delusional one living your own fairytale.

If you have a daughter and husband treats your daughter like this, stick true to your words lmao
befriend
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by befriend »

From a Buddhist perspective you don't have to wish I'll on anyone. Your father was a miser or stingy, if he did more bad things of mind body and speech then good things he will be reborn in a woeful plane. Your anger is justified its a natural emotion, but it needs to be quelled you can think of the sutta called removal of distracting thoughts. My grandfather was a bad person and my father is a very good person he decided to be nothing like my grandfather. If not thinking about your father quells your anger do that no need to radiate kindness to him. My father hated someone and he chose to stop thinking about them, don't let them enter your mind.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
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Johann
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Johann »

Why trying to forward own failures toward even those who gave without any obligation at all, young householder-son.

Better then to dry to deny goodness and obligation is to look after how to ever repay it. It wouldn't work the way of ingratitude but simple makes hell more and more heating up and near.

Come to mind!

Nobody called householder-son to come, take birth, and what was it that he brought with him aside of endless wishes, demands and desires?
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Sam Vara
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Sam Vara »

Moderator note: I can understand why this topic may cause strong feelings, but on a Buddhist forum we should be able to avoid bad language, coarseness, and name-calling.

Please could people have a think about this before they post? I wouldn't want to lock the thread, so please apply some self-control.
Jack19990101
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Jack19990101 »

Posts like this one & similar one prior, are overly declaration for hatred & ignorance.
The OP neither is asking for guidance nor request help.

Treating this forum readers as door mats with a manner of inexplicit troll.

Dhamma should only be shared when enough sincerity expressed towards Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha.
SarathW
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by SarathW »

There are some duties performed by the parent to child and the Child to parent in Buddhism.
According to the Sigalovada Sutta, which deals with the code of conduct for the laity, there are five duties to be performed by parents towards their children. These are:

1. The parents should dissuade their children from doing evil. Parents are the first school for their children, where they learn their elementary lessons in good and evil. Therefore, parents should be very careful to steer their children away from all kinds of evil, such as lying, cheating, dishonesty, revenge and so on.
https://www.budsas.org/ebud/ebdha229.htm
"In five ways, young householder, a child should minister to his parents as the East:


(i) Having supported me I shall support them,
(ii) I shall do their duties,
(iii) I shall keep the family tradition,
(iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance,
(v) furthermore I shall offer alms in honor of my departed
relatives.[9]
"In five ways, young householder, the parents thus ministered to as the East by their children, show their compassion:


(i) they restrain them from evil,
(ii) they encourage them to do good,
(iii) they train them for a profession,
(iv) they arrange a suitable marriage,
(v) at the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .nara.html
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
dharmacorps
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by dharmacorps »

For someone you hate so much, he occupies a lot of space, rent-free, in your head. At best, this is a waste of time. There is no point to pontificating about how much you hate a dead person. If someone was truly your enemy in life, resurrecting their name after they are dead would give them great comfort to know they got the better of you even after they are dead. This is why letting go and moving on is critical for us. You may be helped by seeing a psychotherapist, too.
Canonmp280
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Canonmp280 »

befriend wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 4:09 pm From a Buddhist perspective you don't have to wish I'll on anyone. Your father was a miser or stingy, if he did more bad things of mind body and speech then good things he will be reborn in a woeful plane. Your anger is justified its a natural emotion, but it needs to be quelled you can think of the sutta called removal of distracting thoughts. My grandfather was a bad person and my father is a very good person he decided to be nothing like my grandfather. If not thinking about your father quells your anger do that no need to radiate kindness to him. My father hated someone and he chose to stop thinking about them, don't let them enter your mind.

thankyou that’s what I’m trying to do. mods just delete the thread. I’ll try focusing on the good part of life
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Johann
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by Johann »

Canonmp280 wrote: Wed Sep 07, 2022 2:52 am I’ll try focusing on the good part of life
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patta.1999
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by patta.1999 »

I have a similar friend as you. He hates his father and e.g. blames his father because he (not his father) could not buy a flat in the capital when he was young. He blames other fathers as well for similarly nonsense reasons. And he finds his way to hate others for other reasons...

I cannot tell him how wrong he is as he cannot hear it and he may die from anger from it if he could hear it. But it is a kind of self protection for him. To blame his father and other fathers instead of seeing his own faults.

This is my advice for you as you asked me and you may listen.

I sense a lot of anger in you as well. And it may kill you. Do not look for the faults of others. Seeing your anger tells me that you should rather look into your own life and mind...

Read these few verses from the dhammapada carefully and contemplate on them, these may give you some peace of mind (you may lookup the relevant stories as well, on which occasions these verses was told):
" One should not consider the faults of others, nor their doing or not doing good or bad deeds. One should consider only whether one has done or not done good or bad deeds."

Verse 50
" It is easy to see the faults of others, but difficult to see one's own. A man broadcasts the fault; of others like winnowing chaff in the wind, but hides his own faults as a crafty fowler covers himself."

Verse 252
and you may contemplate on this one and you may seek for a wise companion:
" One should follow a man of wisdom who rebukes one for one's faults, as one would follow a guide to some buried treasure. To one who follows such a wise man, it will be an advantage and not a disadvantage."

Verse 76
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tharpa
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by tharpa »

Canonmp280 wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 3:46 am ...he’s a rich man but he didnt write any will and we didn’t get most money.
I don't get this. If he didn't write a will, then by default it would go first to his wife, then to his children. The exact details depend on the jurisdiction, but the general principle is the same. Possibly it all went to his wife (your mother?).

To override the defaults, you have to write a will. If he didn't have much money left, then that would explain why you didn't get any.

Please clarify. Who got his money then?
May all beings, in or out of the womb, be well, happy and peaceful.
bpallister
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Re: I wish I told my father i hate him before he died

Post by bpallister »

he took your inheritance. Don't let him take your goodness too. :anjali:
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