i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
patta.1999
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by patta.1999 »

If you are "strong". I would say look at her carefully and you would recognize how repulsive she is if you see her body as it really is. But I am afraid this would lead you in the wrong direction.

From the post, not knowing you well enough, I would say better not to look at her. If it is not enough to stop your craving then change your schedule to not see her at all. If it is still not enough then abandon the gym where she is going regularly.

This reminds me the sutta in which the Buddha gave instruction about women to Ananda:

"
How, Lord, should we conduct ourselves towards women?
Do not see them, Ananda.
But, Lord, if we do see them?
Do not speak, Ananda.
But, Lord, if they should speak to us?
Then, Ananda, you should establish mindfulness.
"
Maha-parinibbana Sutta

Try not to see her first, maybe it will be enough for now. And you may try to develop aversion towards women later. Obviously you are in danger in this field.
form
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by form »

bpallister wrote: Wed Sep 07, 2022 1:52 am
SDC wrote: Wed Sep 07, 2022 1:02 am
form wrote: Wed Sep 07, 2022 1:00 am

No. I have done that before, but I talked to her when she was on the elliptical machine. This way she will stay there when you talked to her.
:rofl:
should i tie her to it with some resistance bands, or would that be too forward? :stirthepot:
She was a little out of breath, but she told me to wait somewhere till she finished. So I guess my technique worked. :mrgreen:
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

:group:
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Aloka
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by Aloka »

bpallister wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 11:44 pm i am an incel....
I had to look that up!

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/incel


:shrug:
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

she was there again today, friends. i stared at her, but only a little.
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cappuccino
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by cappuccino »

bpallister wrote: Thu Sep 08, 2022 12:13 am she was there again today, friends. i stared at her, but only a little.
you can appreciate the beauty, but do not have to possess it
Art of the 21st Century
If we ignore the need of beauty, we find ourselves in a spiritual desert. -Roger Scruton
Alrac
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by Alrac »

bpallister wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 11:19 pm what should i do, friends?
Buddhism teaches to not act under the influence of craving. Only talk to her if your mind has metta (loving-kindness). :heart: :heart:
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

great advice in here. thank you friends. She was not present today and i was able to work my manly legs relatively free of distracton. :hello:
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frank k
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by frank k »

bpallister wrote: Tue Sep 06, 2022 11:19 pm what should i do, friends? :anjali:
It's not clear what your ultimate goal is here, but if it is to move towards pure brahmacariya and celibacy,
1. quit your gym membership, whatever exercises you want to do, you can do cheaply and on your own. For example, gymnastic rings cost 50$ for a decent pair, a jump rope is light and portable, between doing squats, lunges, one leg squats, all kinds of great stuff on the gym rings, you'll be way better off in the long run. Bike, jog, etc.

The reason for that, is it's not just visual, audio, stimulation. You're exposed to powerful hormones and pheromones, you're setting yourself up for failure if you frequent a gym. Even you don't look at or listen to the opposite sex while you're at the gym, even if you wear blindfolds and ear plugs when you go to the gym, those pheromones are powerful stuff. It's the biological imperative. Think about how a house full of women, all their periods sync up. Think about cats and dogs in heat. Humans are in heat all the time too, the only difference is the dogs are honest and transparent about their desires. Men in prison start raping men even though they're hetero. The sex drive is powerful. If it were not, species would quickly become extinct.

2. exercise alone. One of the suttas talks about another major cause of lust people don't think about, is when you're trying to develop masculine traits like a strong body with big muscles, that kind of narcissism is not just vain, but it feeds your lust for the opposite sex. When you exercise with other guys (after you quit your gym membership), their obsession with physical beauty is likely to influence you.


3. The real key to defeating lust is understanding the subha nimitta. The sex act, devoid of the subha nimitta, is really not that great or exciting, compared to more refined pleasures like jhāna, brahma vihāras, which are stable and long lasting.
Big collection of sutta passages on asubha and subha, and how to deal with lust here:
https://lucid24.org/sted/8aam/2sankappo/kama/index.html
www.lucid24.org/sted : ☸Lucid24.org🐘 STED definitions
www.audtip.org/audtip: 🎙️🔊Audio Tales in Pāli: ☸Dharma and Vinaya in many languages
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

Those seem like drastic measures. i really enjoy going to the gym. i go almost daily.
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

She was in the gym today, friends. She had a new blood orange shirt on. I am renouncing sensual desires tho, so i payed her little attention. :anjali:
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Mahabrahma
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by Mahabrahma »

Just be friends and pursue your Buddhism. Share the Dharma with her.
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

Thank you, friend
bpallister
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by bpallister »

I now have a craving for a co-worker as well. my cravings are multiplying and not decreasing. :anjali:
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cappuccino
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Re: i have a craving for a woman at the gym

Post by cappuccino »

bpallister wrote: Sun Oct 16, 2022 11:21 pm I now have a craving for a co-worker as well. my cravings are multiplying and not decreasing. :anjali:
Fast cars also have brakes
Art of the 21st Century
If we ignore the need of beauty, we find ourselves in a spiritual desert. -Roger Scruton
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