Shame in sexual activity

[form]

I think Buddhists fixate too much on sex and this generates a great deal of aversion that is just as bad as grasping and in fact promotes it, as we swing between those two.

It is far more useful IME to practice and cultivate some mindfulness and insight, rather than worrying about celibacy etc.

The underpinning to successful practice is to earnestly practice basic sila, including avoiding hurting yourself and others. But of course, there will be slipups, that's normal.

At certain level it is the middle way. At higher level, the Buddha has even mentioned what lead to intercourse between the two gender in AN book 4 or 5.

[justpractice]

when i reflect on it tho, i don't think there's anything particularly wrong with one mode of sexuality vs another; it's all lust.

Yes, lust is lust no matter what lustful act is being engaged in, but it's important to let that understanding concern you rather than relieve you. What I mean is, you don't want to find yourself using that as an excuse to proliferate further down the lustful path, since after all, "it's all just lust." No, it's better to see that even the most "tame" act of lust carries within it the very same seed that gives rise to the most gruesome and heinous lustful acts. Their nature is one and the same.

Within the context of practice, depending how serious one is taking it, even the most socially accepted lustful act is a beast of a problem. The shame of that particular act will pale in significance to the shame in appropriating something that is not yours in order to pursue pleasure, the shame of cultivating an attitude of lack and weakness. Not everyone will want to reveal and continue to gaze at that level of shame in their experience, but it's at least worth reflecting on as you continue to contemplate the nature of lust. At least on that level, it really wouldn't matter if the whole world became one big socially sanctioned orgy, because you'd always know where the line is drawn. You'd always know the safety from shame.