I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Discussion of ordination, the Vinaya and monastic life. How and where to ordain? Bhikkhuni ordination etc.
daniil
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:37 pm

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by daniil »

Dali348 wrote: Thu Jan 10, 2019 12:57 am
Nwad wrote: Sat Feb 17, 2018 3:17 am
JamesTheGiant wrote: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:34 pm No, all the things I missed about lay-life seem to be not as good as I remembered them to be, when I was a monk.
I should write about this actually, an update now that I've been back in the worldly world for 3 months.
It would be great James if you write about your "back on the ground" experiance !:) Because there is to many negative posts about monkhood life, but there is no any about lay a life difficulties...

Its often like this... Our mind embelish our memories, its almost because of hapyness hormone which is good to fix memory...

Hi James, this aspect of the topic is most interesting to me and I’m really hoping to hear an update on how that has unfolded for you. Thanks and hope you are well brother!

Please give us an update once you are back from the winter retreat! This topic is very intriguing

Best
Daniil
mrwaynetan
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2021 8:16 am

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by mrwaynetan »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:34 pm
Meezer77 wrote: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:17 pm Forgive me but I have to ask... Have you enjoyed being able to watch the telly again?
No, all the things I missed about lay-life seem to be not as good as I remembered them to be, when I was a monk.
I should write about this actually, an update now that I've been back in the worldly world for 3 months.
Hi James, mind sharing more on this? I'm currently living in a monastery in preparation for ordination and I have self-doubt whether a monastic lifestyle is suitable for me or not. It will be helpful to hear your perspective.
eto
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun Nov 11, 2018 11:48 pm

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by eto »

mrwaynetan wrote: Sat Aug 28, 2021 8:21 am
JamesTheGiant wrote: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:34 pm
Meezer77 wrote: Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:17 pm Forgive me but I have to ask... Have you enjoyed being able to watch the telly again?
No, all the things I missed about lay-life seem to be not as good as I remembered them to be, when I was a monk.
I should write about this actually, an update now that I've been back in the worldly world for 3 months.
Hi James, mind sharing more on this? I'm currently living in a monastery in preparation for ordination and I have self-doubt whether a monastic lifestyle is suitable for me or not. It will be helpful to hear your perspective.
Pardon me for jumping in. I remember one time I did a 2 week self retreat. I couldnt stop thinking about eating hot chips when I got back. The taste, the texture, the tomato sauce. Wow.

Anyway, I finally got back, ordered them straight away and.. Yeah, nothing special.

And there you have it. The worldly world simply ain't as good as it is to imagine how good it is.

And in the meantime, in the middle of all that imagining - life is slipping by.
User avatar
JamesTheGiant
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 8:41 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by JamesTheGiant »

mrwaynetan wrote: Sat Aug 28, 2021 8:21 am Hi James, mind sharing more on this? I'm currently living in a monastery in preparation for ordination and I have self-doubt whether a monastic lifestyle is suitable for me or not. It will be helpful to hear your perspective.
Just ordain and try it. You can always disrobe later if it's not for you. It's a really rewarding and wholesome way of life.
That's my suggestion! Sorry it's not more profound advice.
andrew73249
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:04 pm

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by andrew73249 »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Sat Sep 04, 2021 9:30 am Just ordain and try it. You can always disrobe later if it's not for you. It's a really rewarding and wholesome way of life.
That's my suggestion! Sorry it's not more profound advice.
Hi James, I've read this thread with great interest, and while I know that ordaining/disrobing are ultimately personal decisions, I think I'm not alone in hoping to hear more about how things have gone for you since disrobing! Best~
User avatar
JamesTheGiant
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 8:41 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by JamesTheGiant »

andrew73249 wrote: Tue Jul 26, 2022 9:06 pm Hi James, I've read this thread with great interest, and while I know that ordaining/disrobing are ultimately personal decisions, I think I'm not alone in hoping to hear more about how things have gone for you since disrobing! Best~
I should have stayed a bhikkhu.
Now I'm back in worldly life and working as a builder, things are no better and I'm no happier.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

When I was a bhikkhu I wanted to have the freedom of a layperson, and now I'm a layperson I want to have the life of a bhikkhu again. Doh!

I still stay at the monastery for at least a month every year, sometimes two months, to help with building and outside work.
Every time I go they ask if I want to re-ordain and be a monk again, and I am tempted.
Maybe, maybe...

Worldly life is so meaningless. You know the regular 9 to 5 workday and paycheck and bills and car repairs.
And meditation is beautiful when I have the time to do hours and hours per day.

Maybe... Maybe.
User avatar
Johann
Posts: 619
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2022 2:03 pm
Contact:

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by Johann »

May good householder not wait, and go soon for maybe the last temporary ordaining. Nothing worthy to sacrifies one's blessed life could be found aside of the holly life for an end of insecurity and waste.
andrew73249
Posts: 13
Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:04 pm

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by andrew73249 »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Tue Jul 26, 2022 9:26 pm
andrew73249 wrote: Tue Jul 26, 2022 9:06 pm Hi James, I've read this thread with great interest, and while I know that ordaining/disrobing are ultimately personal decisions, I think I'm not alone in hoping to hear more about how things have gone for you since disrobing! Best~
I should have stayed a bhikkhu.
Now I'm back in worldly life and working as a builder, things are no better and I'm no happier.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

When I was a bhikkhu I wanted to have the freedom of a layperson, and now I'm a layperson I want to have the life of a bhikkhu again. Doh!

I still stay at the monastery for at least a month every year, sometimes two months, to help with building and outside work.
Every time I go they ask if I want to re-ordain and be a monk again, and I am tempted.
Maybe, maybe...

Worldly life is so meaningless. You know the regular 9 to 5 workday and paycheck and bills and car repairs.
And meditation is beautiful when I have the time to do hours and hours per day.

Maybe... Maybe.
Thanks very much for the update James. I'm happy to hear that you have a very good option for returning to the robes if you ever wish to do so.

As someone who is (probably) a lot older than you, I wish that I had not vacillated for as long as I have. Now that I'm finally getting serious about ordaining, I'm shocked to find out that I'm past the age limit at many monasteries here in the US. It's such a classic human mistake to always think "there's plenty of time" isn't it?

Anyway, I just want to thank you again for sharing your story. It's so rare to hear any details about why people choose to ordain and/or disrobe, and it is valuable to the many of us in a similar position.
User avatar
Goofaholix
Posts: 4017
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by Goofaholix »

I know how you feel.

"The grass is always greener on the other side" is as good a definition of Dukkha as any in my opinion.

What I've learned is that the awareness that you carry with you despite your circumstances is more important than the circumstances themselves, this helps alleviate the idea that changing the circumstances will make you happy, it won't, instead on objective analysis it might be the best decision.

If you can make peace with your current circumstances you'll be in a position to make better decisions about your future, I'm sure you want to avoid the possibility of another disrobing in 5 years time.
Pronouns (no self / not self)
“Peace is within oneself to be found in the same place as agitation and suffering. It is not found in a forest or on a hilltop, nor is it given by a teacher. Where you experience suffering, you can also find freedom from suffering. Trying to run away from suffering is actually to run toward it.”
― Ajahn Chah
User avatar
JamesTheGiant
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 8:41 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by JamesTheGiant »

Goofaholix wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 10:59 pm If you can make peace with your current circumstances you'll be in a position to make better decisions about your future, I'm sure you want to avoid the possibility of another disrobing in 5 years time.
Yes precisely. :anjali:
I know if I ordained again in the coming year, I'd be yearning for the lay life within a few years.
But perhaps 6 months at the monastery as a janitor or handyman-builder would be a good move.
User avatar
Johann
Posts: 619
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2022 2:03 pm
Contact:

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by Johann »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:34 pm
Goofaholix wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 10:59 pm If you can make peace with your current circumstances you'll be in a position to make better decisions about your future, I'm sure you want to avoid the possibility of another disrobing in 5 years time.
Yes precisely. :anjali:
I know if I ordained again in the coming year, I'd be yearning for the lay life within a few years.
But perhaps 6 months at the monastery as a janitor or handyman-builder would be a good move.
As there are only three reasons for not going forth if knowing that way, good householder, which are intoxication with youth, health, life, the 5 reflections often undertaken, reminder and dangers are currently very present, help to do not waste of a seldom, very seldom possibility.

Not seldom are old, sick and dying people met with dears in their eyes not having made use timely of the great possibility.

And a half-hearted life, a actually greedy one, does only increase debts, not decrease them.

May good householder see the dangers before no more able to deny them soon.
User avatar
JamesTheGiant
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 8:41 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by JamesTheGiant »

Johann wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:48 pm As there are only three reasons for not going forth if knowing that way, good householder, which are intoxication with youth, health, life, the 5 reflections often undertaken, reminder and dangers are currently very present, help to do not waste of a seldom, very seldom possibility.

Not seldom are old, sick and dying people met with dears in their eyes not having made use timely of the great possibility.

And a half-hearted life, a actually greedy one, does only increase debts, not decrease them.

May good householder see the dangers before no more able to deny them soon.
Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu, well said. :anjali:
User avatar
Goofaholix
Posts: 4017
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by Goofaholix »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Wed Jul 27, 2022 11:34 pm Yes precisely. :anjali:
I know if I ordained again in the coming year, I'd be yearning for the lay life within a few years.
But perhaps 6 months at the monastery as a janitor or handyman-builder would be a good move.
The choice between ordaining and staying a layperson seems very black and white in theravada circles for monastic leaning people, but it doesn't have to be. There can be greys in between like the one you just suggested, not only monasteries but meditation centres that aren't monastic might be worth considering.
Pronouns (no self / not self)
“Peace is within oneself to be found in the same place as agitation and suffering. It is not found in a forest or on a hilltop, nor is it given by a teacher. Where you experience suffering, you can also find freedom from suffering. Trying to run away from suffering is actually to run toward it.”
― Ajahn Chah
User avatar
JamesTheGiant
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 8:41 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by JamesTheGiant »

Goofaholix wrote: Thu Jul 28, 2022 12:08 am The choice between ordaining and staying a layperson seems very black and white in theravada circles for monastic leaning people, but it doesn't have to be. There can be greys in between like the one you just suggested, not only monasteries but meditation centres that aren't monastic might be worth considering.
Yes the Vipassana meditation centre near Kaukapakapa keeps asking me to come help build and stay long term. Everyone loves a free builder!
User avatar
Goofaholix
Posts: 4017
Joined: Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:49 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: I disrobed and returned to "normal" life

Post by Goofaholix »

JamesTheGiant wrote: Thu Jul 28, 2022 12:10 am Yes the Vipassana meditation centre near Kaukapakapa keeps asking me to come help build and stay long term. Everyone loves a free builder!
Sure, these days getting any kind of builder is a good thing. I saw Te Moata was advertising for people recently too, I don't think they need building skills if you want a rest from that.
Pronouns (no self / not self)
“Peace is within oneself to be found in the same place as agitation and suffering. It is not found in a forest or on a hilltop, nor is it given by a teacher. Where you experience suffering, you can also find freedom from suffering. Trying to run away from suffering is actually to run toward it.”
― Ajahn Chah
Post Reply