should I marry or be single?

[confusedlayman]

Now, one year later, don't you laugh at this former stupidity?

Im still in delimma

So there's been no progress? Or has the quality of dilemma changed at least?

I dont want to marry as i cant handle the death of attachment ( wife or kids etc)

But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn

[SteRo]

But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn

To have xx you don't need to be married but you should avoid causing pregnancies because these might put all the worldly burdon of family life on you.

[Mahabrahma]

Intercourse comes with Love, it is not a standalone thing, nor should it be something one should pursue without pursuing a romantic relationship with someone. If you get addicted to the physical aspect of it instead of focusing on the Spiritual and emotional, it may turn to lust. So purse romantic relationships in compassionate and Buddhist ways, and leave whether you have intercourse as a secondary thing, because that is not the all-in-all for relationships. Relationships are about two people Loving eachother immensely, even if they are physically miles apart.

[confusedlayman]

But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn

To have xx you don't need to be married but you should avoid causing pregnancies because these might put all the worldly burdon of family life on you.

Imbfollowing celebacy

[Mahabrahma]

Feel good about being celibate. You're doing it by choice even if part of you sometimes feels like you are desiring to be with someone. That desire will be there until you replace it with something fully Spiritual. Like Temple duties, a full meditation schedule, and full absorption in preaching the Dharma. If you start doing what you want to do fully as a Buddhist, Buddhism, as it it meant to be, will make you fully happy and fulfilled to the point of you having no craving for sensual pleasure, and the decision of whether or not to be celibate will be trivial.

[SteRo]

But i still have lust which means i enjoy xx with random women in my day dream mindn

To have xx you don't need to be married but you should avoid causing pregnancies because these might put all the worldly burden of family life on you.

Imbfollowing celebacy

That also saves you from the worldly burden of family life.

[bhooooo]

ahhh sexuality and its driving force, blissful and brutal at the same time! I read through the discussion: different perspectives were raised, some in my opinion were unnecessarily negative or dictated by flowing lust. I understand them though, the topic justifies them and sometimes in my overthinking streak I also crossed them!
I agree with most of the arguments though:
- sharing a living space with someone is hard work and it will never feel like being on our own;
- western society and its relationships have become volatile: to give a metaphor it takes less effort to ask for a pen when you need one than to bring your own from home. Likewise, long lasting unions and commitments are rare, scary and risky.

At the same time, the grass of the neighbor always seems greener: single desiring partner and partner desiring single. Isn't that the root of the desires and unhappiness we focus on in our practice?

[jc1990]

you should get married if you live a lay life. if you have sex with partner it doesn't break precept 5 but if you masturbate, it breaks precept 5, and if are not ready to be a monk yet, then don't masturbate atleast, else as a lay person you should get married. also if you married and one day plan to be a monk, you can take permission from her and be a monk, so don't worry about that. your wife can stay with your parents, your good deeds will help you both to have happy life here and here after.

[Ceisiwr]

you should get married if you live a lay life. if you have sex with partner it doesn't break precept 5 but if you masturbate, it breaks precept 5, and if are not ready to be a monk yet, then don't masturbate atleast, else as a lay person you should get married. also if you married and one day plan to be a monk, you can take permission from her and be a monk, so don't worry about that. your wife can stay with your parents, your good deeds will help you both to have happy life here and here after.

Masturbation doesn’t break the precept.

[jc1990]

you should get married if you live a lay life. if you have sex with partner it doesn't break precept 5 but if you masturbate, it breaks precept 5, and if are not ready to be a monk yet, then don't masturbate atleast, else as a lay person you should get married. also if you married and one day plan to be a monk, you can take permission from her and be a monk, so don't worry about that. your wife can stay with your parents, your good deeds will help you both to have happy life here and here after.

Masturbation doesn’t break the precept.

yes it does brother. sexual misconduct is having sex with anyone other than your partner, having sex alone is sexual misconduct.

breaking sila 5 leads to suffering.

[Ceisiwr]

you should get married if you live a lay life. if you have sex with partner it doesn't break precept 5 but if you masturbate, it breaks precept 5, and if are not ready to be a monk yet, then don't masturbate atleast, else as a lay person you should get married. also if you married and one day plan to be a monk, you can take permission from her and be a monk, so don't worry about that. your wife can stay with your parents, your good deeds will help you both to have happy life here and here after.

Masturbation doesn’t break the precept.

yes it does brother. sexual misconduct is having sex with anyone other than your partner, having sex alone is sexual misconduct.

breaking sila 5 leads to suffering.

It’s a rule against cheating, not self pleasuring.

[jc1990]

Masturbation doesn’t break the precept.

yes it does brother. sexual misconduct is having sex with anyone other than your partner, having sex alone is sexual misconduct.

breaking sila 5 leads to suffering.

It’s a rule against cheating, not self pleasuring.

do you view drinking alcohol as pleasuring without harming anyone? and does it break precept 5? if you want to have pleasure, you should get married. a lay person should get married. masturbation will leads you to suffering.

[Ceisiwr]

yes it does brother. sexual misconduct is having sex with anyone other than your partner, having sex alone is sexual misconduct.

breaking sila 5 leads to suffering.

It’s a rule against cheating, not self pleasuring.

do you view drinking alcohol as pleasuring without harming anyone? and does it break precept 5? if you want to have pleasure, you should get married. a lay person should get married. masturbation will leads you to suffering.

Drinking alcohol is against the precepts. Masturbation is not, for those keeping the 5. For those keeping the 8 or monks and nuns then masturbation isn’t allowed. I agree that masturbation leads to suffering. So does sex with a wife or husband.

Also, sex outside of marriage is fine too as long as neither of you are committed to someone else.

[jc1990]

It’s a rule against cheating, not self pleasuring.

do you view drinking alcohol as pleasuring without harming anyone? and does it break precept 5? if you want to have pleasure, you should get married. a lay person should get married. masturbation will leads you to suffering.

Drinking alcohol is against the precepts. Masturbation is not, for those keeping the 5. For those keeping the 8 or monks and nuns then masturbation isn’t allowed. I agree that masturbation leads to suffering. So does sex with a wife or husband.

If you agree that masturbation leads to suffering and you believe that keeping sila 5 leads to happiness, doesn't it contradict?. sex with partner doesn't break precept and doesn't lead to suffering.

[Ceisiwr]

do you view drinking alcohol as pleasuring without harming anyone? and does it break precept 5? if you want to have pleasure, you should get married. a lay person should get married. masturbation will leads you to suffering.

Drinking alcohol is against the precepts. Masturbation is not, for those keeping the 5. For those keeping the 8 or monks and nuns then masturbation isn’t allowed. I agree that masturbation leads to suffering. So does sex with a wife or husband.

If you agree that masturbation leads to suffering and you believe that keeping sila 5 leads to happiness, doesn't it contradict?. sex with partner doesn't break precept and doesn't lead to suffering.

The 5 precepts help you to avoid the worse kind of kamma, but they still allow for acts that lead to suffering. Sex with a wife or husband is rooted in lust. Lust always leads to suffering. It’s delusional to believe you can be free of suffering by simply keeping the 5 precepts.