Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

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Jinny999
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Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Jinny999 »

Hi,

Sexual desire leads to rebirth, I got this, and it's endless rebirth and therefore full of suffering, I got this. But does sex gives me suffering in this life also? How? Can you explain?

Like, if I get married, and live a lay life, how does sex gives me suffering in this life?

I think I'm asking stupid question, but I want to solve this problem. And have good knowledge about this.

Thanks.
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cappuccino
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by cappuccino »

Buddhism is more subtle


Think trying to enjoy food, drink


Music, movies, books…
Last edited by cappuccino on Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by cappuccino »

Sex is almost easy to escape


You just say thanks but no thanks


And gradually… stop looking
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Sam Vara
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Sam Vara »

Jinny999 wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 6:47 pm Hi,

Sexual desire leads to rebirth, I got this, and it's endless rebirth and therefore full of suffering, I got this. But does sex gives me suffering in this life also? How? Can you explain?

Like, if I get married, and live a lay life, how does sex gives me suffering in this life?

I think I'm asking stupid question, but I want to solve this problem. And have good knowledge about this.

Thanks.
Sex can of course be a source of pleasure and even happiness, but there are many ways in which it can be a source of suffering.

It can lead to commitments which are difficult and expensive to maintain (marriage, children, etc.)
It can lead to all sorts of emotional problems such as envy, jealousy, infidelity, lack of self-esteem, etc.
It can lead to addiction.
There are sexually-transmitted infections.
It means we are largely focusing on gaining pleasure, rather than liberating ourselves from suffering.
It doesn't provide lasting fulfilment - whatever the romantic stories and the adverts say.
The sexual partner becomes dear to you, but is inevitably going to be lost through the ending of the relationship or death.
The sexual urge itself can be seen as being painful, a lack of something.
Giving in to sexual desire is another opportunity for our defilements to master us and drive our conduct.
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by cappuccino »

samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:35 pm Sex is not suffering
Buddhism is for those who are sick


Not those who think they are healthy
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by cappuccino »

samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:48 pm console
Your logic is fine for an ordinary person
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Lucas Oliveira
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Lucas Oliveira »

"Now this, monks, is the noble truth of stress:[1] Birth is stressful, aging is stressful, death is stressful; sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are stressful; association with the unbeloved is stressful, separation from the loved is stressful, not getting what is wanted is stressful. In short, the five clinging-aggregates are stressful.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
"Now what, monks, is the allure of forms? Suppose there were a maiden of the noble caste, the brahman caste, or the householder class, fifteen or sixteen years old, neither too tall nor too short, neither too thin nor too plump, neither too dark nor too pale. Is her beauty & charm at that time at its height?"

"Yes, lord."

"Whatever pleasure & joy arise in dependence on that beauty & charm: That is the allure of forms."

"And what is the drawback of forms? There is the case where one might see that very same woman at a later time, when she's eighty, ninety, one hundred years old: aged, roof-rafter crooked, bent-over, supported by a cane, palsied, miserable, broken-toothed, gray-haired, scanty-haired, bald, wrinkled, her body all blotchy. What do you think: Has her earlier beauty & charm vanished, and the drawback appeared?"

"Yes, lord."

"This, monks, is the drawback of forms.

"Again, one might see that very same woman sick, in pain, & seriously ill, lying soiled with her own urine & excrement, lifted up by others, laid down by others. What do you think: Has her earlier beauty & charm vanished, and the drawback appeared?"

"Yes, lord."

"This too, monks, is the drawback of forms.

"Again, one might see that very same woman as a corpse cast away in a charnel ground — one day, two days, three days dead, bloated, livid, & oozing. What do you think: Has her earlier beauty & charm vanished, and the drawback appeared?"

"Yes, lord."

"This too, monks, is the drawback of forms.

"Again, one might see that very same woman as a corpse cast away in a charnel ground picked at by crows, vultures, & hawks, by dogs, hyenas, & various other creatures... a skeleton smeared with flesh & blood, connected with tendons... a fleshless skeleton smeared with blood, connected with tendons... a skeleton without flesh or blood, connected with tendons... bones detached from their tendons, scattered in all directions — here a hand bone, there a foot bone, here a shin bone, there a thigh bone, here a hip bone, there a back bone, here a rib, there a breast bone, here a shoulder bone, there a neck bone, here a jaw bone, there a tooth, here a skull... the bones whitened, somewhat like the color of shells... piled up, more than a year old... decomposed into a powder. What do you think: Has her earlier beauty & charm vanished, and the drawback appeared?"

"Yes, lord."

"This too, monks, is the drawback of forms.

"And what, monks, is the escape from forms? The subduing of desire-passion for forms, the abandoning of desire-passion for forms: That is the escape from form.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
"Mahali, if form were exclusively stressful — followed by stress, infused with stress and not infused with pleasure — beings would not be infatuated with form. But because form is also pleasurable — followed by pleasure, infused with pleasure and not infused with stress — beings are infatuated with form. Through infatuation, they are captivated. Through captivation, they are defiled. This is the cause, this the requisite condition, for the defilement of beings. And this is how beings are defiled with cause, with requisite condition.

"If feeling were exclusively stressful...

"If perception were exclusively stressful...

"If fabrications were exclusively stressful...

"If consciousness were exclusively stressful — followed by stress, infused with stress and not infused with pleasure — beings would not be infatuated with consciousness. But because consciousness is also pleasurable — followed by pleasure, infused with pleasure and not infused with stress — beings are infatuated with consciousness. Through infatuation, they are captivated. Through captivation, they are defiled. This is the cause, this the requisite condition, for the defilement of beings. And this is how beings are defiled with cause, with requisite condition."

"And what, lord, is the cause, what the requisite condition, for the purification of beings? How are beings purified with cause, with requisite condition?"

"Mahali, if form were exclusively pleasurable — followed by pleasure, infused with pleasure and not infused with stress — beings would not be disenchanted with form. But because form is also stressful — followed by stress, infused with stress and not infused with pleasure — beings are disenchanted with form. Through disenchantment, they grow dispassionate. Through dispassion, they are purified. This is the cause, this the requisite condition, for the purification of beings. And this is how beings are purified with cause, with requisite condition.

"If feeling were exclusively pleasurable...

"If perception were exclusively pleasurable...

"If fabrications were exclusively pleasurable...

"If consciousness were exclusively pleasurable — followed by pleasure, infused with pleasure and not infused with stress — beings would not be disenchanted with consciousness. But because consciousness is also stressful — followed by stress, infused with stress and not infused with pleasure — beings are disenchanted with consciousness. Through disenchantment, they grow dispassionate. Through dispassion, they are purified. This is the cause, this the requisite condition, for the purification of beings. And this is how beings are purified with cause, with requisite condition."
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
"Suppose a dog, overcome with weakness & hunger, were to come across a slaughterhouse, and there a dexterous butcher or butcher's apprentice were to fling him a chain of bones — thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, smeared with blood. What do you think: Would the dog, gnawing on that chain of bones — thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, smeared with blood — appease its weakness & hunger?"

"No, lord. And why is that? Because the chain of bones is thoroughly scraped, without any flesh, & smeared with blood. The dog would get nothing but its share of weariness & vexation."

"In the same way, householder, a disciple of the noble ones considers this point: 'The Blessed One has compared sensuality to a chain of bones, of much stress, much despair, & greater drawbacks.'
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
349. For a person tormented by evil thoughts, who is passion-dominated and given to the pursuit of pleasure, his craving steadily grows. He makes the fetter strong, indeed.

350. He who delights in subduing evil thoughts, who meditates on the impurities and is ever mindful — it is he who will make an end of craving and rend asunder Mara's fetter.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .budd.html
186-187. There is no satisfying sensual desires, even with the rain of gold coins. For sensual pleasures give little satisfaction and much pain. Having understood this, the wise man finds no delight even in heavenly pleasures. The disciple of the Supreme Buddha delights in the destruction of craving.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .budd.html
290. If by renouncing a lesser happiness one may realize a greater happiness, let the wise man renounce the lesser, having regard for the greater.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .budd.html
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samsarayoga
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by samsarayoga »

Hey why did you remove my post? This is not the beginner section. Are you afraid of the truth? :guns:
reality is not shaped by your mind, if this was the case there won't exist right view and wrong view to begin with (doh)
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

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samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:52 pm Are you afraid of the truth?
Which truth? Mundane or spiritual
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Sam Vara
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Sam Vara »

samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:52 pm Hey why did you remove my post? This is not the beginner section. Are you afraid of the truth? :guns:
I've sent you a PM explaining why, but if you really want to go public with it, it's because it contained personalised abuse and nasty speech. They are contrary to the ToS. :rules:
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by samsarayoga »

cappuccino wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:53 pm
Which truth? Mundane or spiritual
The truth that you are afraid of the truth, my apprentice. The truth that sex is not suffering on its own.
reality is not shaped by your mind, if this was the case there won't exist right view and wrong view to begin with (doh)
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

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samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:57 pm
cappuccino wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:53 pm
Which truth? Mundane or spiritual
The truth that sex is not suffering on its own.
Mundane
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Sam Vara
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Sam Vara »

samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:57 pm
cappuccino wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:53 pm
Which truth? Mundane or spiritual
The truth that you are afraid of the truth, my apprentice. The truth that sex is not suffering on its own.
It's only suffering that comes to be,
Suffering that stands and falls away.
Nothing but suffering comes to be,
Nothing but suffering ceases.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/aut ... bl143.html
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Lucas Oliveira
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Lucas Oliveira »

the origin of sex..
5. Bursting Pods
When the ground-sprouts had vanished, bursting pods appeared, like the fruit of the kadam tree. They were beautiful, fragrant, and delicious, like ghee or butter. And they were as sweet as pure manuka honey.

Then those beings started to eat the bursting pods. With that as their food and nourishment, they remained for a very long time. But so long as they ate those bursting pods, their bodies became more solid and they diverged in appearance; some beautiful, some ugly. And the beautiful beings looked down on the ugly ones: ‘We’re more beautiful, they’re the ugly ones!’ And the vanity of the beautiful ones made the bursting pods vanish.

They gathered together and bemoaned, ‘Oh, what we’ve lost! Oh, what we’ve lost—those bursting pods!’ And even today when people experience suffering they say: ‘Oh, what we’ve lost! Oh, what we’ve lost!’ They’re just remembering an ancient primordial saying, but they don’t understand what it means.

6. Ripe Untilled Rice
When the bursting pods had vanished, ripe untilled rice appeared to those beings. It had no powder or husk, pure and fragrant, with only the rice-grain. What they took for supper in the evening, by the morning had grown back and ripened. And what they took for breakfast in the morning had grown back and ripened by the evening, so the cutting didn’t show. Then those beings eating the ripe untilled rice, with that as their food and nourishment, remained for a very long time.

7. Gender Appears
But so long as they ate that ripe untilled rice, their bodies became more solid and they diverged in appearance. And female characteristics appeared on women, while male characteristics appeared on men. Women spent too much time gazing at men, and men at women. They became lustful, and their bodies burned with fever. Due to this fever they had sex with each other.

Those who saw them having sex pelted them with dirt, ashes, or cow-dung, saying, ‘Get lost, filth! Get lost, filth! How on earth can one being do that to another?’ And even today people in some countries, when a bride is carried off, pelt her with dirt, ashes, or cow-dung. They’re just remembering an ancient primordial saying, but they don’t understand what it means.

8. Sexual Intercourse
What was reckoned as immoral at that time, these days is reckoned as moral.
https://suttacentral.net/dn27/en/sujato ... ript=latin
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Ceisiwr
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Re: Does sex gives me suffering in this life?

Post by Ceisiwr »

Sam Vara wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 8:04 pm
samsarayoga wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:57 pm
cappuccino wrote: Tue Nov 22, 2022 7:53 pm
Which truth? Mundane or spiritual
The truth that you are afraid of the truth, my apprentice. The truth that sex is not suffering on its own.
It's only suffering that comes to be,
Suffering that stands and falls away.
Nothing but suffering comes to be,
Nothing but suffering ceases.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/aut ... bl143.html
:goodpost:
“Knowing that this body is just like foam,
understanding it has the nature of a mirage,
cutting off Māra’s flower-tipped arrows,
one should go beyond the King of Death’s sight.”
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