Relationships? - No thanks!

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
Kai
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Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by Kai »

Through some bitter experiences of having been let down repeatedly by people who I thought I could trust, I have come to the conclusion that relationships are as unreliable and fleeting as are forms, feelings, perceptions etc. There is absolutely no-one outside the Sangha who I can rely on!: no acquaintances, none of my so-called friends and not even family members. Besides, I find it difficult to relate to people who pursue the trivial ways of ordinary life.

One of those so-called "friends" recently voiced his concern about me alienating myself from everyone. I just had to laugh out loud at that. When I pointed out that my Buddhist practice is far more satisfying & rewarding than watching TV, playing some stupid games or getting drunk in the pub on several occasions a week, he just looked at me with a blank expression on his face which immediately reminded me of DhP v. 61. It says, "there is no fellowship with fools"! - Well, I'll continue on my path firmly on my own .... !!!
SarathW
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by SarathW »

This is a good move.
However, Sangha does not mean that every person ware a yellow robe.
If you do not find the right Sangha you may be disappointed again.
So do your homework yourself by studying Tipitaka.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
Kai
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by Kai »

SarathW wrote: Sat Dec 31, 2022 12:46 am So do your homework yourself by studying Tipitaka.
Thank you for your advice!
bpallister
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by bpallister »

I've been thinking about giving up on trying to find a relationship as well. :anjali:
Ontheway
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by Ontheway »

Well it depends.... Relationship can be good or bad.

I've seen some couples really doing good. Like my parents. My mother is the one who always support my father since her young age and helped him in many ways (both financially and emotionally), being a good life partner to him. Although my father wasn't a well educated person and not that wealthy either. My mother has been very faithful and loving to my father.

I've also known a couple where the young guy isn't wealthy, just starting to work, average looking, not that outstanding, and having a normal junior accounting job post; while the girl is actually looking fine and well mannered and educated, and she is also very supportive and willing to build a life with the young guy. Some other time, I saw in a train where a couple: the young guy is fat and average looking, not that wealthy... and the girl is very beautiful and looking graceful. Yet the girl is willing to be with him and support him. I think these guys are lucky and they are heading to good livelihood.

I think that definitely great.

In my case, I maybe well-to-do at daily tasks, nice career, can do what I liked, good shape and health, or good relationship with family members.... But I never got a girlfriend or at least a close good female friend. I wanted to have a girlfriend ever since teenager time but no luck at all (I remembered I've been read all love advices on internet, communication techniques, style advices, confidence boosting techniques, how to be a good man, how to be a good partner, how to be mature and responsible partner, body building, and even working on them etc. Haha), it's just not working at all. :lol: But time goes by very fast and I'm now entering 30s. I guess I don't have merit in this aspect. :lol: I don't really hold much any hope for it now ever since I embarked my career and spiritual life.

Kinda embarrassing and made my envy my parents sometimes haha (joking) :embarassed:

So, as long as you are not looking forward to join monkhood, I guess relationship can be wholesome. Especially if one follows Sigalovada Sutta's advice.
Hiriottappasampannā,
sukkadhammasamāhitā;
Santo sappurisā loke,
devadhammāti vuccare.

https://suttacentral.net/ja6/en/chalmer ... ight=false
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confusedlayman
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by confusedlayman »

Kai wrote: Fri Dec 30, 2022 11:36 pm Through some bitter experiences of having been let down repeatedly by people who I thought I could trust, I have come to the conclusion that relationships are as unreliable and fleeting as are forms, feelings, perceptions etc. There is absolutely no-one outside the Sangha who I can rely on!: no acquaintances, none of my so-called friends and not even family members. Besides, I find it difficult to relate to people who pursue the trivial ways of ordinary life.

One of those so-called "friends" recently voiced his concern about me alienating myself from everyone. I just had to laugh out loud at that. When I pointed out that my Buddhist practice is far more satisfying & rewarding than watching TV, playing some stupid games or getting drunk in the pub on several occasions a week, he just looked at me with a blank expression on his face which immediately reminded me of DhP v. 61. It says, "there is no fellowship with fools"! - Well, I'll continue on my path firmly on my own .... !!!
great
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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Ceisiwr
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by Ceisiwr »

Ontheway wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 2:00 pm
Have you tried dating apps?
“Knowing that this body is just like foam,
understanding it has the nature of a mirage,
cutting off Māra’s flower-tipped arrows,
one should go beyond the King of Death’s sight.”
santa100
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by santa100 »

Ontheway wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 2:00 pm Kinda embarrassing and made my envy my parents sometimes haha (joking)
Guess it depends on which generation and which country. Things tend to get worse for younger generations and developed countries. For the current generation in the US, the stats aren't looking very good: between 35%-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce, increasing to approximately 60% for second marriages and 70+% for marriages after the second. This gives the US one of the highest divorce rates in the world.
Ontheway
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by Ontheway »

Ceisiwr wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 4:04 pm
Ontheway wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 2:00 pm
Have you tried dating apps?
Not into it though
Hiriottappasampannā,
sukkadhammasamāhitā;
Santo sappurisā loke,
devadhammāti vuccare.

https://suttacentral.net/ja6/en/chalmer ... ight=false
Ontheway
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by Ontheway »

santa100 wrote: Mon May 29, 2023 12:17 am
Ontheway wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 2:00 pm Kinda embarrassing and made my envy my parents sometimes haha (joking)
Guess it depends on which generation and which country. Things tend to get worse for younger generations and developed countries. For the current generation in the US, the stats aren't looking very good: between 35%-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce, increasing to approximately 60% for second marriages and 70+% for marriages after the second. This gives the US one of the highest divorce rates in the world.
Yes, I think so.
Hiriottappasampannā,
sukkadhammasamāhitā;
Santo sappurisā loke,
devadhammāti vuccare.

https://suttacentral.net/ja6/en/chalmer ... ight=false
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confusedlayman
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by confusedlayman »

santa100 wrote: Mon May 29, 2023 12:17 am
Ontheway wrote: Sun May 28, 2023 2:00 pm Kinda embarrassing and made my envy my parents sometimes haha (joking)
Guess it depends on which generation and which country. Things tend to get worse for younger generations and developed countries. For the current generation in the US, the stats aren't looking very good: between 35%-50% of first-time marriages end in divorce, increasing to approximately 60% for second marriages and 70+% for marriages after the second. This gives the US one of the highest divorce rates in the world.
its morally finished country
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
santa100
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by santa100 »

confusedlayman wrote: Mon May 29, 2023 7:21 pm its morally finished country
It's pretty bad but not quite finished just yet. Although if the Orange Emperor's able to reclaim his throne in 2024, then yeah, you'll be 100% correct.
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confusedlayman
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by confusedlayman »

santa100 wrote: Fri Jun 02, 2023 3:40 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Mon May 29, 2023 7:21 pm its morally finished country
It's pretty bad but not quite finished just yet. Although if the Orange Emperor's able to reclaim his throne in 2024, then yeah, you'll be 100% correct.
Actually, if u want to develop spirtually its better to come to east.. but if u want to loot lots of money, good to sell products to americans. they are sensually stimulated so much and willing to spend on anything that makes them feel good.. i am actually planning to start a business targeted towards americans alone ... they always buy based on face value or brand value.. if u r a buddhist u know how to hijack this loophole in thier system
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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confusedlayman
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by confusedlayman »

confusedlayman wrote: Fri Jun 02, 2023 4:05 pm
santa100 wrote: Fri Jun 02, 2023 3:40 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Mon May 29, 2023 7:21 pm its morally finished country
It's pretty bad but not quite finished just yet. Although if the Orange Emperor's able to reclaim his throne in 2024, then yeah, you'll be 100% correct.
Actually, if u want to develop spirtually its better to come to east.. but if u want to loot lots of money, good to sell products to americans. they are sensually stimulated so much and willing to spend on anything that makes them feel good.. i am actually planning to start a business targeted towards americans alone ... they always buy based on face value or brand value.. if u r a buddhist u know how to hijack this loophole in thier system
make a movie for 1.2 hours or somthing like that and name it some thing that makes american feel good (american way or something like that), u will surely see people sitting in cinema thethre eventhough story will be absurd. people will also put that on instagram and feel proud. U can literally sell anything to american if u want to make money...
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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confusedlayman
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Re: Relationships? - No thanks!

Post by confusedlayman »

I am not agaisnt any group or something.. i am just seeing some of observations and telling you. I may be partially wrong too. I think I am talking off topic...
I may be slow learner but im at least learning...
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